Recent reviews by not fuuka

The game's... okay.

Swordsman VR is yet another swordfighting simulator for virtual reality, and for me that means it already has to go up against Blade and Sorcery. If you're gonna be doing that, you either have to excel really well in at least some part of the game, or you have to do something different enough so the game scratches a different itch and I have a reason to play it instead.

Presentation/Performance:
These are probably the highlights of the game. Game looks pretty solid, and I didn't have any issue running it. (i5-7600k, 1070) The different armors and swords definitely look good, but I do wish there was more variety. Music is serviceable but definitely isn't memorable or really effective in getting you any more pumped up. It's just there, and I suppose it's better than not having any at all.

Gameplay:
This is where things start to fall apart. If you've played any swordfighting game, then you probably already have a decent idea of how this plays out. You have a sword (or maybe a shield, or two swords), the enemy has a sword. He attacks, you respond. It's very basic and doesn't feel like there's much depth to it. However, this game has two pretty big issues when it comes to its combat. The first being that your actions don't ever feel like they have any real impact. One of the biggest highlights in Blade and Sorcery is feeling how impactful your attacks can be: if they're strong enough you can knock an opponent into the ground or even worse just straight up take a limb off. It's exciting and plays a major role in why that game is so fun and satisfying to play. Now, asking for every game to have limb cutting would be silly, but I want to feel like what I'm doing ~does something~, if that makes sense. In this game, that doesn't really ever happen. It feels like my parrying/blocking usually doesn't amount to any meaningful outcome (unless your random chance slow-down-time effect triggers) and trying to attack enemies usually just results in the same backwards stagger effect. They let loose a little bit of blood when attacked, and can get a little blackened where you hit them, but that's it. They just feel like enemies with health bars, rather than something I can actually interact with. The second issue is that, well, remember when I said the game doesn't have much depth? It doesn't take more than ten minutes of gameplay to realize "oh, if I stab them in the head, they die instantly" and "oh, every enemy has the exact same attack pattern so I can just space out their first attack and then get a free hit", which inevitably leads to every fight playing out the exact same way. They attack, you dodge, you stab them and they die. There's practically no reason to get any sort of armor or weapon upgrade when this strategy works on everything. Everything boils down to "walk away, stab, walk back". (Disclosure, perhaps the boss fights are different and/or tougher. I haven't gotten that far, and I'm already too bored to want to keep playing.) Now, Blade and Sorcery has the same thing where enemies die within one headstab. The difference is that I have so many different ways of interacting with enemies in that, that I have loads and loads of options in how I fight them (and most of them have a lot of impact, so they're satisfying to do!). In this, fighting them fairly doesn't feel any more or less exciting than just stabbing them. These two issues basically plague the entire game, let alone things like "there is no two-handed wielding, all weapons are either swords or shields" and "sometimes when you stab a man, your sword goes wild and suddenly it's gone", or even "your swords' collision boxes are slightly bigger than the sword itself, so they often collide in ways that feel unnatural or stab an enemy despite clearly missing them".

Story:
Now, one of the ways this game tries to be different from B&S is that it's "story-driven".
These words amount to "there is a story in this game", and nothing more. I don't feel driven by the gameplay to keep going, but the story feels practically unimportant and nonexistent. You get a cutscene at the start, and I'm sure you probably get one before each boss. I played through the first of each level, the first seven levels of the Mongrel stage, and the Arena, and I didn't see a second cutscene or anything resembling lore or plot progression. Please do not call this "story-driven".

Progression/Customization:
The other way this game tries to set itself apart is with "player progression and customization". And... it's boring. It's sleep-inducing. To start, you have different stats that you can level up with stat points you get at the end of each level. This is all fine except it has three issues. One: All stat upgrades are purely numbers-based so they aren't exciting at all to upgrade. Two: They can get quite expensive to upgrade, forcing you to put your starting stat points into the "get more stat points" and "get more money" stats. And three: None of these stats even matter when the gameplay gets boiled down to "walk, stab, walk". Doesn't matter how much vitality or strength I have when one stab ends everything.
As for the "customization", it again, doesn't really matter. You have a small variety of swords and shields to choose from with barely passable variety, but... that's it. It's swords and shields. And like I said earlier, you can't even use any two-handed swords. (Well, you CAN technically use two-handed swords, as in they are swords the enemy wields with both hands, but it's just converted into a one-handed sword for you.) Worse, every weapon feels the same to use since again, it's walk-stab-walk for all your fights. But even if that wasn't the case, all that ever changes with them is length and damage numbers. It's not exciting or fun. Your armor customization has even less options and while they look pretty okay visually, they don't really have any impact on how you play. It's also mostly tied to the clans you fight in the game as well, which makes sense but doesn't make you feel any special or different than the rest.

Summary:
The presentation is okay, but the gameplay is boring and immediately solvable, resulting in a gameplay loop that makes you wish you were playing something else. The progression and customization have no meaningful impact in how you play, nor does it feel exciting enough to make you eager to unlock the next thing. I've also already forgotten that this game has a story midway through typing this summary out.

Thanks for reading a review that is needlessly longer than most high school writing essays.

My playtime here doesn't show very much, but I've played the demo quite a few times just because the gameplay was that satisfying.
It's going to be the most common comparison by far, but if you've ever played Doom Eternal and wish it went even further with its hectic and fast-paced shooting and really ramped up the feeling of, "wow, I feel so incredibly cool because I just did some really sick ♥♥♥♥", or alternatively you went, "wow, I wish it was even more like Devil May Cry because I can't get enough of that either", then just buy the game already.
I haven't even gotten that far (only through the demo a few times and about 20 waves of the survival mode) (also there is a survival mode, and it's extremely fun and customizable) but I can already tell this is going to be one of the best games I play this year. (I'll probably update the review when I'm finished to confirm it.)

Edit: I completely forgot to mention that one of the alt-fires you can unlock for your revolver is a coin. You toss the coin up into the air, and if you shoot it it'll ricochet to the enemy with the least health and do massive damage. You can also bounce coins into other coins for more damage.
I figured it'd be a good idea to give you a clear example as to how creatively stylish this game feels to play.

Also it has a bunch of little options to make the game easier, if you need that for whatever reason.

it's alright i just want to drink more soda

I've never seen a better crafted robbery simulator.

This is probably one of greatest robot, disco, roller-derby, dodgeball, and mustache simulators, and the developers put them all in one game.

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