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85 of 85 (100%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Spring Fresh

Clean any map adequately
Unlocked 9 Feb @ 5:03pm

Employee of the Month

Get the Employee of the Month reward for your office
Unlocked 9 Feb @ 5:03pm

You're Fired!

Get fired!
Unlocked 9 Mar @ 3:44pm

Blood Soaked

Spill 100 dirty buckets
Unlocked 24 Feb @ 11:04am

Blaze of Glory

Incinerate 2000 items
Unlocked 24 Feb @ 9:01am

Bloody Hell!

Mop up 10,000 splats
Unlocked 26 Feb @ 12:49pm

Who's for Dinner?

Get eaten
Unlocked 25 Feb @ 1:58pm

Top Brass

Pick up 800 casings
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 12:53pm

Taking Out the Trash

Pick up 1000 pieces of trash
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 1:28pm

Ubermensch

Speedrun a map with at least %25 par time to spare
Unlocked 11 Mar @ 3:00pm

Pedestrian

Track over 20,000 footprints
Unlocked 30 Mar @ 2:17pm

Janicide

Blow up a fellow worker with the help of an ominously bright-red explosive charge
Unlocked 16 Mar @ 1:03pm

Need a Hand?

Receive a total of 35 helping hands from the Slosh-O-Matic
Unlocked 30 Mar @ 2:37pm

Bins? Limbs!

Suffer the wrath of the Bin machine 75 times
Unlocked 30 Mar @ 2:36pm

First Aid

Restock a total of 50 medkits over your cleaning career by punching out of levels with medkits
Unlocked 9 Mar @ 12:47pm

The Nose Knows

Use the Sniffer for a total of 2 hours
Unlocked 10 Mar @ 3:35pm

Chew on This!

Throw 100 items into sand traps
Unlocked 25 Feb @ 2:16pm

Disintegrator

Fry 500 items with the plasma welder
Unlocked 26 Mar @ 4:00pm

The Mops Of Wrath

Complete Athena's Wrath Level
Unlocked 9 Feb @ 5:03pm

Anti-Virus

Complete Caduceus Level
Unlocked 24 Feb @ 11:21am

Ice-Cold Cleana

Complete Cryogenesis Level
Unlocked 21 Feb @ 9:58am

Sandblasted

Complete Unearthly Excavation Level
Unlocked 27 Feb @ 2:44pm

Pine Fresh

Complete Hydroponic Hell Level
Unlocked 17 Feb @ 1:47pm

Surgical Sweeper

Complete Evil Science Level
Unlocked 24 Feb @ 9:36am

Deep-Sea Dry-cleaning

Complete Paintenance Level
Unlocked 28 Feb @ 1:00pm

Operation Brownwash

Complete Waste Disposal Level
Unlocked 25 Feb @ 12:24pm

Refined

Complete Unrefinery Level
Unlocked 9 Mar @ 1:59pm

One Mop To Rule Them All

Complete All major Official Levels
Unlocked 23 Mar @ 4:06pm

Pass The Torch

Take a lit flare from a fellow Janitor
Unlocked 16 Mar @ 1:07pm

Louis and Clean

Complete Gravity Drive Level
Unlocked 20 Feb @ 12:46pm

Big Banger Burnout

Tame the uncontrollable fury of the Big Banger by incinerating it
Unlocked 15 Jan @ 12:04pm

Clean Freak

Cleanup your own personal Office by removing any Trash, Viscera and Blood; excluding trophies, then leave
Unlocked 3 Mar @ 3:58pm

Employee of the Year

Receive 12 Employee of the Month awards
Unlocked 3 Mar @ 3:23pm

Identity Theft

Steal 30 or more Personal Identification Devices (P.I.Ds) from cleaned levels and take them to your office
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 3:09pm

Bring the Thunder

Take the Big Banger Supernova out of Unearthly Excavation and into another work-site and turn it on
Unlocked 27 Feb @ 2:57pm

Master of the Beats

Turn off the Big Banger while it's playing loudly(keep your music volume up too) in zero-gravity during a Solo game
Unlocked 19 Feb @ 1:03pm

Plague Bearer

Transfer a Goo-Jar to another work-site and infect something
Unlocked 24 Feb @ 11:28am

Head Hunter

Collect a head from each species in cleaned levels and take them to your office
Unlocked 9 Mar @ 3:38pm

Brushed Steel

Complete Revolutionary Robotics Level
Unlocked 23 Feb @ 12:59pm

Bushwhacked

Complete Overgrowth Level
Unlocked 19 Feb @ 12:33pm

Bob's Legacy

Find Bob
Unlocked 25 Feb @ 1:44pm

"Red Keycard"

Unlock Bob's super secret secret stash room
Unlocked 27 Feb @ 2:50pm

Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe

Find all the unique and hidden collectibles and return them to your office
Unlocked 27 Feb @ 2:50pm

Eggregious

Find all the hidden painted eggs and return them to your office
Unlocked 19 Feb @ 12:09pm

Lost in Space and Time

Get consumed by an inter-dimensional crack in space-time
Unlocked 28 Feb @ 1:37pm

Wicked Unliving

Collect the chainsaw, boomstick, cursed hand and the evil book and return them to your office
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

Thursday the 12th

Collect the mask and machete and return them to your office
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

Bad Dreams on Helm Street

Collect the clawed glove and return it to your office
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

Harroween

Collect the white mask and butcher knife and return them to your office
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

The Shimmering

Collect the axe and return it to your office
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

Never Put It On

Collect the ring and return it to your office
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

House of Honor

Clean the entire House of Horror level
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 10:37am

Back From Whence It Came

Destroy the Bad Banger
Unlocked 28 Feb @ 1:38pm

Not Quite a Lumberjack

Destroy 200 items in the woodchipper
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 9:15am

Cleanliness is Godliness

Completely clean all mess in Santa's Workshop and clock off
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:41pm

Christmas Crisis Corrected

Completely clean Santa's Workshop without breaking any Christmas items and clock off
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:41pm

Sanitized Earth

Completely clean all mess and destroy every item in Santa's Workshop and clock off
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 3:18pm

Bloody Incompetent

Prove your incompetence by leaving a worse mess in Santa's Workshop and clock off
Unlocked 9 Mar @ 3:44pm

St. Nick's Boomstick

Collect Santa's shotgun and bring it back to your office
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:46pm

The Red Nose Knows

Collect the iconic reindeer nose and bring it back to your office
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:46pm

Rooks Kept

Collect the different Rooks Keep figurines and take them back to your office
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:46pm

Ballistic Weaponry

Collect the different Ballistic Weapons toys and bring them back to your office
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:46pm

Thunder Candle

Requisition a new replacement janitor through the use of TNT
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 12:50pm

Head Hunter

Collect elf heads and bring them back to your office, you freakin' psycho!
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:46pm

Santa Hats Must Die!

Incinerate 50 Santa hats, the symbol of everything you hate
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 2:08pm

Tower of Babel

Build a stack of 10 stools
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 1:58pm

The Day the Funk Died

Bring about the sad meeting of Ice-Cold Banger and fire
Unlocked 5 Mar @ 12:19pm

Cold Storage

Complete Frostbite Level
Unlocked 9 Mar @ 12:47pm

Biomassive Breakdown

Complete Incubation Emergency Level
Unlocked 23 Mar @ 11:20am

Sanitary Supremacy

Completely clean the entire Shadow Warrior temple level
Unlocked 6 Mar @ 3:04pm

Mr. Two Million Dollars

Collect the two million dollars of cold hard cash from the Shadow Warrior level all at once and bring it back to your office
Unlocked 6 Mar @ 3:04pm

Swept Under The Carpet

Complete Uprinsing Level
Unlocked 10 Mar @ 3:11pm

Crystal Clear

Complete Core Sample Level
Unlocked 11 Mar @ 2:17pm

Pest Control

Complete Pestilent Penitentiary Level
Unlocked 18 Mar @ 11:34am

Bleach and Clear

Complete Penumbra Level
Unlocked 23 Mar @ 4:06pm

Audacious Oddities

Find all the unique Collectibles in the Vulcan Affair and return them to your office
Unlocked 3 Mar @ 3:23pm

Lair Care

Clean the entire Vulcan Affair level
Unlocked 3 Mar @ 3:23pm

Teeth for Tunes

Bring about the unfortunate meeting of Double-Oh Banger and Shark
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 11:21am

Blood in the Water

Go for a swim with Sharks
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 11:18am

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Tank

Feed the ever hungry Sharks 500 items they can either devour or destroy
Unlocked 3 Mar @ 1:55pm

Double-Oh Dumbass

Foolishly activate the Death Ray
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 11:32am

Locked In

Lock another player inside a holding cell where they belong
Unlocked 16 Mar @ 2:07pm

Death From Above

Get turned into mist by an orbital beam weapon
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 11:25am

Cat-astrophe

Using an orbital beam weapon, destroy the symbol of your most hated overlord; cats!
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 11:28am

Orbital Bang-bardment

Allow the Banger to ascend to its rightful place among the heavens through the use of an orbital beam weapon
Unlocked 2 Mar @ 11:24am