She made me do copious amounts of cocaine with her, to the point I thought my heart was gonna stop. She told me to calm down, gave me a drink, and I don't know what was in the drink but I blacked out. And when I woke up, she had both my legs over her shoulders, and she was numb-sucking my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ like there was no tomorrow. I tried to fight it, I tried to get away, but I was restrained. She told me that I liked it, she told me not to worry cause she used the good jelly, the Smuckers. So nobody's paid me to, uh, confess this now, and I've kept it under wraps for all these years because I knew no one would believe me. No one would believe that Hillary Clinton ate my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.