🐵🙈🙉🙊🐒Monkeys 🐒🙊🙉🙈🐵
I 👥 like 😄 monkeys 🐵

I 👥 like 👍 monkeys 🐒.

The pet 🚫🐶🐱 store 🏬 was selling 💸 them for five ✋ cents 💳 a piece 🧩. I 👥 thought 🤔 that odd since 💦 they were normally a couple 🚗🏠 thousand ♾. I 👥 decided ✌🏻 not to look 👀 a gift 🎁🎀🛍 horse 🐎 in the mouth 👄. I 👥 bought 💸 200.

I 👥 like 👍 monkeys 🐵.

I 👥 took 👫 my 200 monkeys 🙈 home 🏡. I 👥 have a big 😳 car 🚘. I 👥 let 👏 one 1️⃣ drive 🚦. His 💦 name 🏷 was Sigmund. He 👨 was retarded 🤦🤷⁉. In fact 📚📖, none 🚫 of them were really 💯 bright 🔆. They kept 😣 punching themselves in their genitals 🐵. I 👁 laughed 😡. Then they punched 🤜👊 my genitals 🍆🍠. I 👥 stopped ✋ laughing 🤣.

I 👥 herded them into my room 🏠. They didn't adapt very 💯 well 🤔 to their new 🆕 environment ♻. They would screech 🤬, hurl themselves off of the couch 👬 at high 🔫 speeds 🚅 and slam 😡 into the wall 🚪.

Although 😏 humourous at first ☝1️⃣, the spectacle lost 🛅 its novelty halfway into its third 🏳️‍🌈 hour 😞😳.

Two ✌ hours 🕐 later 🕑 I 👥 found 🔍 out why ❓ all 💯 the monkeys 🙈 were so inexpensive: they all 💯 died 😵. No 🙅 apparent 💢 reason 😒. They all 💯 just sorta' dropped 😱 dead 💀. Kinda' 🍕 like 😄 when ⏰ you 👈 buy 💵 a goldfish and it dies 💀 five ✋ hours 😞😳 later ⌚⏱⏳. Damn 😤 cheap 🦀 monkeys 🐒.

I 👥 didn't know 🧠 what to do. There were 200 dead ☠ monkeys 🐒 lying 🤫 all 💯 over 👏 my room 🏠, on the bed 🛌, in the dresser 👗👠💄, hanging 🧚🏼‍♀️❤🌸 from my bookcase. It looked 👀 like 😄 I 👥 had 200 throw 😷 rugs 😳.

I 👁 tried 👋 to flush one 1️⃣ down ⤵ the toilet 🚽. It didn't work 💼. It got 👏 stuck 🧠. Then I 👥 had one ☝ dead ☠, wet 💦 monkey 🙈 and 199 dead 💀, dry 🤡 monkeys 🐵.

I 👥 tried 🇮🇹 pretending 🤧😭 that they were just stuffed 😜 animals 🐕. That worked 👷‍♂️ for a while, that is until they began 🆚 to decompose. It started 🆕 to smell 👃 real 💯 bad 👎.

I 👥 had to pee 💦 but 🍑 there was a dead 💀 monkey 🐒 in the toilet 🚽 and I 👥 didn't want 😍 to call 📞 the plumber. I 👁 was embarrassed 😊.

I 👥 tried 🇮🇹 to slow 😍🍝😳 down ⤵ the decomposition by freezing ❄😱 them. Unfortunately 😔, there was only enough 💦 room 🤴👸 for two ✌ monkeys 🙈 at a time ⏰ so I 👁 had to change 👏 them every 👏 30 🔞 seconds 🥈. I 👁 also 👨 had to eat 🍽 all 😷 the food 😩 in the freezer ❄😱 so it didn't all 💯 go 🏃 bad 👎.

I 👥 tried 👋 burning 🔥 them. Little 👌 did I 👥 know 🤔 my bed 🛌 was flammable. I 👥 had to extinguish 🧯 the fire 🔥.

Then I 👥 had one 1️⃣ dead 💀, wet 💦 monkey 🐵 in my toilet 🚽, two ✌ dead 💀, frozen ⛄ monkeys 🙊 in my freezer ❄, and 197 dead ☠, charred monkeys 🐒 in a pile 💩 on my bed 🛏. The odour 💩 wasn't improving.

I 👥 became 🚡 agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys 🙊 and to use 🤮 the bathroom 🚾💣💢. I 👥 severely 📉 beat 💖 one ☝ of my monkeys 🙈. I 👁 felt 🤚 better 👍.

I 👥 tried 🇮🇹 throwing 👐💢 them away ➡ but 🍑 the garbage 👳🏾‍♂️👨🏿↙ man 👨 said 💬 that the city 🌃 was not allowed ❌ to dispose of charred primates. I 👥 told 🗣 him 👴 that I 👁 had a wet 💦 one ☝. He 👨 couldn't take 👫 that one ☝ either 🤔👥. I 👥 didn't bother ☝ asking ⁉ about the frozen ❄ ones ☝.

I 👥 finally 👆 arrived 🤡 at a solution 💡🤔. I 👥 gave 🎁 them out as Christmas 🎄 gifts 🎁. My friends 👯‍♂️ didn't know 🤔 quite ✅ what to say 🗣. They pretended that they like 😄 them, but 🍑 I 👥 could tell 🗣 they were lying 🤥.

Ingrates.

So I 👥 punched 🤜💥 them in the genitals 🐵.

I 👥 like 👍 monkeys 🙊.