Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can fight himself and win.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.