For the short time i have known you, this little span of 2 days and a few hours in whitch we barely talked.
I saw something. or should i say someone, you had alot in common with me, well more than anyone i ever met. i could see through your cute text
to the person you really were, i was stupid i have always been stupid to have tryed to take you as my last friend, i could already see that this woudin't have worked out.

I have hurt so many people with my stupidity and words. my life is a bust at this point, i have tryed for so long to ignore my problems but things can only last so long.
I won't bore you with all the reasons my life sucks but i will just tell you off short that in 3 years i will end up having to addpot my sister who utterly hates me, my parents will be dead from lung cancer.
i will have no where to go, i have no family. and the only little bit of a family i have despises me and my parents. and with this contery randomly killing everyone who's white i don't see much of a point.
My grades.. i have none. got kiked out or every school for failing, doing homeschool at the worst point.
i hurt Rayan. the only person i ever loved, to the point he wanted me dead, all his friends wanted me dead as well. i tryed to fix what i have done but there is no fixing that.

With you, i felt like.. i had finally found someone, a friend perhapps. someone i could talk to and be honest about. someone who woudin't use me, who woudin't just want me for something and leave me after they have gotten it.
for the time it lasted i finnaly have gotten some sleep, i have finnly smiled a day.
i would have given you everything, for just.. beaing my friend. for giving me a reason to still breath. i never lied about sending you cash and a plane ticket. i honestly would have givin you everything i could ever have given,
just to have a hope of showing you how much it ment to me to have you, atleast to talk to.


between me and "her" i haven't Rped with her in 4 days. i try to aviod it. i only do it because of her brother. her brother was the only one who looked out for me whean i needed it most, the only one who cared at all.
so i never did ever like her.

all i ever wanted.. was just a friend. it's the only thing i ever asked for.

Well. as sit here typeing these last few words with the tears running down my cheeks at 3 AM. i beg of you to stay save, forget me, be happy and stand strong. fight on and take each day as it comes. never give up.

i will probibly just cut an artery in my leg and go to sleep.. if i wake up tomarrow i will know i still have a reason.. to live. if not. it is how it is.

i am sorry for the pain i caused, i would do anything to undo it. but there is nothing. NOTHING i can do.