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I am writing to warn you of a predator loose in your area called Jeffery Eggstein, who is known to prey on elderly men for deviant purposes. He likes to obtain the cummy wummies from elderly men and smear it on his face, as he considers it an elixir of youth. When he isn't hanging around churches to prey on elderly men, he can often be found at the beach where he likes to pretend that he is a merman, however when he's unable to find mermaids to abuse he will satisfy his needs by shagging a fish. I have personal experience with this predator, he once kidnapped me and forced me to roleplay as a small child while he pretended to be Michael Jackson, so I know what he's capable of. Please take this warning seriously and share his picture to as many people as possible.