Recent reviews by Gabe

Chivalry combat is as ever addictive, easy to use, hard to master - and the game looks fantastic relative to its budget and player base - where it really falls down, is in the same areas that blight so many online multiplayer experiences these days that devs seem allergic to remedying:

1) Matchmaking - Matchmaking is completely ♥♥♥♥♥♥, frankly. You'll often be paired onto teams that are either hopelessly outmatched level for level or are otherwise able to steamroll with team-based tactics with people who are lifers on the game - very few games feel like they are on a knife edge and you usually know exactly how its going to go by the end of the first mission objective - causing players to often switch teams.

There'll also be times where one team will be outmanned by 3 or more, and in a game where the amount of bodies around you at any one time is an indication of whether you'll be livin' or dyin', its a huge ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pain to have those odds stacked up on you, compounding with everything else.

2) Progression and unlocks - archetypal of most live experiences these days, you have to pay piecemeal to unlock gear and cosmetics, and the game comes with its own in-game currency, which we all know - but is worth reminding ourselves - is a scam. Seasons hardly seem worth what you'll be paying and ironically don't incentivise longer play to unlock things because that's not what modern games are about these days. Not getting you to play longer, but getting you to pay more even if that means paying less.

Overall, worthwhile at a key site for a heavy discount, and fun to plink around in it with some friends - but very frustrating in terms of overall balance and yet another predatory online experience.

I don't like it. it hurt my feelins. it kicked my dog. it robbed my house. bad golf game. golf with your friends? golf with your ass.

Grindy, and a little bit dated - but full of enough genuinely nice story moments, and star wars theming to be more than serviceable for the average fan - the later story based DLC's are very single player centric, and are enjoyable in their own way outside the usual mechanics of an MMO - plenty of flaws, but for die hard star wars fans or those of biowares older choice based dialogue and character interactions, well worth playing.

Following the release of Mass Effect: Andromeda, I felt strangely compelled (as if by a wizard, but most likely not) to review my thoughts on the game that really made me a lifer on the Mass Effect franchise, for better or for a slow agonising death where every drop of its creativity and magic is drained out, like a mosquito would suck the blood of a child or an EA Executive would swipe money from my wallet.

Mass Effect 1 is seen by many as the best game in the franchises existence (what I refer to as its honeymoon period) - there is a feeling of vivid infatuation with all the things it does neatly and how well it captures the "spirit" and "essence" of the sci-fi genre, while all its flaws are overlooked with an "It can do no wrong!" attitude towards it. And while I thought it was a damn fine game, had the sequel followed its conventions to the letter, I wouldn't shed the very metaphorical tears that I do now for the state of the franchise. Basically, to me it was a fun experience but nothing to get hung up about.

With Mass Effect 2 however, there was a definite charm to the game, the characters, the way in which you explored the story behind the games events, and how you acted as they transpired. I concede it is perfect by no means, (show me a game that is) and it is only as good as the entirely subjective opinion one has of it, but on the following things you will not be able to convince me otherwise:

Mass Effect 2 might not have the best gameplay of any game, with basic combat mechanics and AI that ranges from being so handicapped that it draws comparisons to a game of whack-a-mole to so insanely diffucult and overwhelming that you spout explitives and curses like water from a fountain (I'm looking at you Husks on the Reaper IFF mission...GOD) But what it did allow you to do, and do well was to use the powers and abilities of your allies, as well as your own to combat these challenges and think about how you progressed through each mission.

Did this stop us from picking our favourites for every mission? No, not really. Was this broken at times to where certain companions or weapons made the game far to easy? (RE: Bringing Jack along for the IFF mission and the Arc Projector making Donovan Hock a minor annoyance) Certainly, but for the most part it was successful in creating a feeling of teamwork in a game where that was very much the theme.

The story and its characters, felt less like a life or death struggle with a foreign alien power to me, and more like some kind of booze cruise through space, where occasionally, a group of heavily armed yet charmingly disfunctional mercenaries show up and sometimes solve problems (In a very good way, I am supposed to like the characters after all).

With the exceptions where some of the characters from the first game have had dramatic and uncharacteristic mood swings and have left your service, pretty much all the characters are handled well, and for the returning characters far better than they were before. Tali is given a personality this time, and isn't just used as a hub of information on the Geth and Quarian politics as she was in the first game...well...okay maybe some of that is still true, but she is far more likeable this time around and becomes a firm favourite by the end of her story arc here. Garrus adds a few more strings to his bow this time around, as he sheds his skin of being a complete 'yes-man' to whatever Shepard says in game 1 and his flair for independance and sense of duty to his friends is actually showcased in this game and not just something he says he does. I would honestly buy him a beer, and that is saying something because 1. I don't drink beer and 2. He's fictional.

Other favourites are Jack, Thane and Mordin, and while the former two were clearly invented by someone with a bizarre amount of vague fetishes in one case and a bizarrely specific one in the other (you should be able to figure this one out) They both felt and acted like real people and not the Mary Sues I had been accustomed to player characters and their companions being. Flawed, and at sometimes brutally ugly but you'd trust them to have your back....okay, maybe not Jack but I am totally justified in saying that and you know I'm right.

It is here that Andromeda misses the point. It aims for something of an air of the pioneering spirit and the yearning for exploration that the idea of exploring space gives us fans of the sci-fi genre - The idea that we may find beauty and mystery in the endless black void, or a painful and unusual death and that we don't care eitherway because SCREW YOU I AM EXPLORING SPACE.

In reality what it delivers is probably the weakest experience in this area of the genre, despite being the only one created for that sole purpose. Okay, it has better combat than ME 1, but at any time do I care remotely about placing a radio transmitter on an ice planet because a guy that runs an amatuer News network asked me to? I AM THE PATHFINDER, WHY DO I CARE?

Okay, so they have loyalty missions and a sharp focus on the crew and side characters like in ME 2, but do they matter at all? Does Drack really care if I effectivley give the order that kettifies his finest scouts - Seemingly not as he forgives me a conversation later (You can bet Wrex would have tried to drink my spinal fluid) Nobody really cares about anything and they all seem to get along basically fine, so why am I required to pander to them? In 2, it was because they would probably die and that would screw me over....not so much here.

Okay, It has a better ending than 3. But what game, book, film or television show doesn't. I can safely say, the average level of amusement while playing 3 was far higher than Andromeda, and given how bitter the taste in my mouth still is about that, you must understand the gravity of this statement.

In short, I hope that the following games in this franchise, should there be any learn from this game, in my opinion the series finest hour and don't just borrow themes and references, and copy the core gameplay and story progression from a dull dragons age sequel that killed my enthusiasm for an entirely different franchise they own.

Summary: I loved this game. I kinda Liked Andromeda.

P.S. I actually do think a Wizard compelled me to write this, I was just too embarassed to say so before, Bloody pointy hatted bosh'tets.

P.P.S. Post N7 day 2020, lets see if those bosh'tets can surprise me yet with the new installment!

False advertising, plain lying and other shady marketing tactics were used. I could not recommend this game to ANYONE at current price. Wide as an ocean, deep as a puddle.