People with extremely low IQ's usually learn to orgasm by age 13. People with extremely high IQ's usually learn at age 7 or so. I had my first orgasm at age 3 by rubbing my genitals on hot air vents. When I had an IQ test as a child it was so high that they didn't tell me because they thought I would become conceited. I later discovered it was 170. The standard IQ test is flawed because it only measures intelligence through a narrow scope which is why it favors artificial intelligence and Asians despite their social ineptitude.

You know, studies show that the age you learn to masturbate directly correlates to IQ? Currently, I am the smartest man alive, and I have my childhood tendencies to thank for that. I was exposed to sexual activity at a very young age. I witnessed my dogs having intercourse only a few days after I was born, and my parents tell me I would watch attentively every time, absorbing the information I required. At the ripe old age of four, I finally became a man. I would dig a hole in the backyard and grind my ♥♥♥♥ into the ground for hours on end. My parents always thought I was just lying on the ground, and they didn’t think it was out if the ordinary since I had convinced them that I was severely disabled my whole life. During the winter I couldn’t continue my daily routine, so I would usually just pound my ♥♥♥♥ into the floorboards of my room. When I was six I took an IQ test and got a result of 217, yet I knew I could improve that number if I could just find a more innovative way to beat it off. I tried using live electrical wires, or even straight up knives, and was severely wounded in the process. But, lo and behold, My next test I was up to a solid 235. I am eight years old now, and have not yet gone longer than eleven minutes without beating my meat. I can proudly say that I have reached 1000 IQ, and am on my way to breaking from my mortal chains and ascending to the next plane of existence.

Many people always ask me how I was able to get into Harvard as a 16 year old who skipped 3 grades of high school. They think I got in because of my scholarly records, but no the key is the interview. As I sat in the Harvard Dean's office in front of the board of reviewers for my application, the Dean asks me "Why should you be a good candidate for this school?" They seemed bored but I replied "Well I was born a child prodigy, placed 1st in my state spelling bee for three consecutive years, I can speak eight different languages not counting Latin, play four different instruments, I skipped grades 4 through 6, and graduated my high school as valedictorian at the age of 14. I then worked as an intern at both Telsa, and NASA." Suddenly the room burst into laughter and many of board instantly started scribbling down "No" near the application check marks. The Dean says "Sorry but you are just not the type we are looking for." But then I said "Excuse me but I wasn't finished... I watch Rick and Morty" The Dean looked at me like an idiot and said "So....?" Then I replied with a smile "And I understand all the references and subtle jokes" An audible gasp let out by the board was so loud the secretary had to come in. You could hear a pin drop and then suddenly all at once the entire board clicked their pens on the "Approved Box" and I was instantly handed a diploma and now I'm teaching advanced physicals there. I guess you can say I'm pretty smart. :)