First find a door. It should be in a private room in your house as doing this in public could get you arrested or admitted to a mental care facility in some countries.

Remove your pants.

Next download a recording of the World of Warriors theme music. Play the track at a volume you prefer.

Now slowly open the door picturing the warrior you want being on the other side.

Finally, slam the door as hard as you can on your twig and berries. Be sure the door catches all parts for full effect.

You will find this experience to be equally painful to spending money on Wildstones and opening the epic door.

With enough repeated sessions of this method you will condition yourself to avoid doors thus saving you from future bad experiences.

Do not worry about permanent damage to your goods. Whether you have a wife/girlfriend or not, this game will never help you score with the ladies