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78 of 89 (88%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:15am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 10:02am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 9:48am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 4:22pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 12:14pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 3:04pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 9:45am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 10:30am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 12:18pm

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 6:02pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 6:47pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 2:56pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 22 Dec, 2023 @ 8:55pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:54pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 2:03pm

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:41am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 5:37pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 1:50pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 2:34pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 12:09pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 7:44pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 12:58pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 22 Dec, 2023 @ 1:16pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:37pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:05am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 19 Dec, 2023 @ 4:44pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 1:43pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 12:42pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 2:22pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 3:04pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 6:49pm

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 19 Dec, 2023 @ 5:29pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:06am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:37pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 5:21pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 12:44pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 1:39pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 2:23pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 12:42pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 4:56pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 6:04pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:20am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 9:50am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 19 Dec, 2023 @ 4:00pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 11:47am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:16am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 11:46am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:27am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 12:33pm

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 17 Dec, 2023 @ 4:56pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 1:35pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:14am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:26am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:20am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:44am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 16 Dec, 2023 @ 12:21pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 3:26pm

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 7:36am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:35am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 22 Dec, 2023 @ 8:58pm

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 3:08pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 4:35pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 6:33pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 1 Jan, 2024 @ 8:13pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 2 Jan, 2024 @ 2:18pm

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Unlocked 2 Jan, 2024 @ 2:18pm

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 2:39pm

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 2:59pm

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 3:36pm

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 5:15pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 5:50pm

Ode to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.
Unlocked 1 Jan, 2024 @ 2:20pm

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 6:32pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 3:21pm

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 4:24pm

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 29 Dec, 2023 @ 6:05pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 23 Dec, 2023 @ 2:04pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 18 Dec, 2023 @ 6:52am



Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
2 / 30

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
2 / 30
+1

1 hidden achievement remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked