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I've become so much like Dante from the Devil May Cry series, it's scary.
I wear red trenchcoats, verbally assault devils (until they cry), and physically assault my brother. When I look in the mirror, I can't help but say "jackpot" (which is from my gambling addiction.) I died my hair white because I don't care so now I have to wear it in a bowl cut and I don't care what people think so shut the ♥♥♥♥ up Nero! You're just dead weight! I always leave a sword in my chest, and go out of my way to show it to everyone so they are reminded that I am half devil. When I see three headed dogs being chained to the wall I make fun of them for not being free like I am. I can't have sex with my girlfriend anymore without forcing her to dress up as Lady or Trish, both of whom remind me of my mom. When I order pizza, I order it with everything but complain about the olives. I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with LIIIGGGHHHT!!

Hello. I want to thank you all for coming out here and expressing your genuine sorrow and disbelief. My sister Martha would have been so touched. I know that many of you have questions. I've just spoken with the police who are still putting together the details of what happened. What they do know is... Martha died a violent death. Yes I know. It's hard to hear. Apparently, there was a struggle. They found scratching and bruising on her body, several broken bones, and traces of dirt in her lungs... which leads us to believe that she was still alive at the time of her burial and probably in great pain. But the good news is there are no signs that she had been molested. Now, I think it's time that you return to your homes... to your loved ones. Oh! In lieu of a memorial service, I'll be holding an estate sale day after tomorrow. Please, no personal checks.