2
Products
reviewed
97
Products
in account

Recent reviews by You got games on your phone?

Showing 1-2 of 2 entries
No one has rated this review as helpful yet
29.4 hrs on record (29.3 hrs at review time)
Early Access Review
yooo hi, ever heard of ultrakill? its this cool first person shooter game where you play as a machine called v1 in a post-apocalyptic world where mankind is dead, blood is fuel and hell is full!!! i'll tell you all about it rn. so for starters we need to know the lore of the game, and we'll start with the part where its story differs from our own real world story. the game's lore basically begins in WWI with the trench wars and stuff. in this timeline, the russians have figured out a way to use human blood as fuel for machines that fight in wars instead of humans. these early blood-fueled machines were called Guttermen. the technology to keep blood fresh inside a machine wasnt made yet, so the russians instead opted to use a live human fuel source kept barely alive and in constant agony in order to make the machine function. these humans were said to be volunteers that died for their country but in reality they were war prisoners or people in high power. the Guttermen singlehandedly ended the trench era of the warfare as human soldiers were completely powerless against them. these machines were the start of an arms race that was followed by the Guttertanks. the Guttertanks could already sustain themselves by keeping blood fresh, and were explicitly designed to end Guttermans. they were made by Germany, which indicates that WWI in ultrakill's universe was a global conflict where everyone participated. as i said before, the Guttermen and Guttertanks were the first iterations of an arms race. this arms race lasted for around 200 years and numerous machines were made in times of war, culminating with humanity's magnum opus: the 1000-THR Earthmover. these cold towers of steel were walking fortresses the size of a skyscraper that could devastate entire cities with a single step. they were sustained by not only blood, but sunlight as well, since humanity had mastered solar energy by then. the earth these giant killers walked was barren and desolate product of the war that had been going on for 200 years, so humanity had to live on top of the Earthmovers, making cities on them. eventually, the ash and dust that was caused by the bloodshed of war times turned the sky black in a catastrophic event that was called The Long Night. this obviously meant that sunlight wasnt able to shine through, and that Earthmovers would lose one of their two main fuel sources. gradually, these machines began to die out as humanity came to terms with each other and established what was called the New Peace. during this period of peace, humanity figured out how to open the gates of Hell. yeah i know it sounds weird but they genuinely discovered how to enter Hell. they set up a mining facility in the mouth of hell in order to extract minerals and valuable resources from the location, and repurposed war machines to serve as guides in hell explorations. ultrakill's hell is structured following dante's imagination of hell straight from the divine comedy, with nine rings of hell sinners could be condemned to. the game even demonstrates its inspiration with the punishment each of the 9 layers presents, with limbo being the eternal suffering of remaining trapped inside a fake world, lust facing unrelenting winds that forced denizens to build tall structures in order to not get swept, gluttony having acid hurt zones that reflect the book's punishment of being burnt in gastric juices for eternity, greed having gold dust sprinkled all over the place which is then heated up by the sun in order to also burn sinners of greed, wrath has the river styx that has turned into the ocean styx (more on that later), heresy has infinite fire where sinners are burnt, you get the point. i think it's honesly quite cool how the game manages to capture the book's hell and still have its own unique twist to make gameplay engaging. anyways, remember how the river styx has been turned into the ocean styx? thats because there was a huge influx of human souls reaching this river at once which made it overflow and turn into an ocean. this sudden influx was caused by the sudden death of every human on earth. we still dont know the cause of humanity's wipe from earth, but the leading theory at the moment is that Hell Itself wiped humans. you see, ultrakill's hell ain't no ordinary hell: it's an intelligent organism. it breathes, its thinks, and its favorite emotion is sadistic pleasure from seeing death. it teleports husks around- wait, i haven't told you what husks are. basically husks are the representation of human souls in hell. the power and size of a husk are according to what status you held in life, so if you were a nobody in life, you'd be a nobody in hell. if you were held in high regard and left a legacy behind, you'd be all powerful in hell. so now that that's clear, as i was saying, Hell Itself is an intelligent superorganism that moves husks around, traps machines with them, enhances them with human equipment in incredibly painful procedures, makes demons to defend itself with, and overall just has a massive boner for death. this is why the leading theory explaining humanity's wipe is that hell somehow spread onto the surface and annihilated everything. BUT WAIT, WE'RE NOT DONE YET!!!!! i havent told you anything about god's disappearance! okay so shortly after the Earthmovers were made, god figured he had had enough of witnessing bloodshed and torture, so he disappeared never to be seen again. this action, as you can imagine, left heaven and the angels in quite a difficult situation as they had just lost the Father. during this moment of chaos in heaven, some of hell's leaders came forth and made use of this lack of order to establish renaissances and insurrections against god's will. the first one that comes to mind is King Minos' Lust Renaissance. as you can probably imagine, King Minos was the king of the lust layer, and he solemnly believed that merely loving another was no sin worthy of eternal punishment, so he reformed the lust layer to a city and accommodated lust's sinners to the best of his ability. this, of course, didnt resonate well within the angels, and once order in heaven was reestablished with the creation of The Council, the Archangel Gabriel was sent to end this renaissance. Minos, being a peaceful ruler, first tried to reason with the warrior, but Gabriel was having none of it. the angel beheaded the King in a swift motion, right before declaring "Justice!" to the now heartbroken citizens of Lust. after Minos' assassination, he turned into a husk. mind you, Minos was held in incredibly high regard by his followers, so his husk was the largest recorded husk in hell's history. moving on to another big event that happened during heaven's disorder: Sisyphus' Insurrection. Sisyphus was a sinner of greed, punished to push a boulder up man's mightiest achievements forever. he believed that the angels were being unfair with their punishment, and prepared various husks for war against the angels, even when knowing he wouldn't win. once the time came, he pushed forward the insurrection and called the attention of the angels. heaven's rule, once again, sent the archangel Gabriel to end this insurrection. Gabriel bolted for Sisyphus' head, as he figured that without a charismatic leader, the insurrection would fall on his own. another swift flick of his sword, and King Sisyphus' head was rolling on the ground. just as he speculated, the insurrection fell off shortly after.
Posted 28 November, 2024.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
1 person found this review helpful
318.7 hrs on record (171.2 hrs at review time)
Velmi dobrá hra ale po chvíli hraní omrzí 9/10
Posted 29 June, 2014.
Was this review helpful? Yes No Funny Award
Showing 1-2 of 2 entries