I'll never forget the time I got 5 flat tires and was stranded on the interstate. Luckily for me, Beast was in the Army and just happened to be flying his helicopter above the interstate. Despite the hazards, he landed the chopper on the interstate, picked me up, and flew me to the nearest Army base. He even bought me a new car!

Happy Hanukkah Beast!

On god this isn't wheelchair accessible... +Joker+

So I’m at this bar in Hell’s Kitchen with my co-star of a play I was performing in Tape, when Duane, my co-star, says in a thick New York Don’t worry. I’ll take careuvit.Take care of what?Him?She’s on her way, he tells me.On her way where? Who? The waitress? Her name’s Polly. Am your brother or am I your ♥♥♥♥♥♥ brother?! EH!?!So I screamed at him I TOLDYOUNOT DOTHAT.HAVE ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ GIRLFRIEND!And GOT wife- …“Hey ya’ll.”I turn around and there

she is. Not dressed. Ready to go out. WHERE IN FOREST? !okay.. PAUSE.*So first of all, Forest NOT common place. It’s quite far from city. But Turns out she NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR. so at the end of the night we take cab home together and I fingered her the entire ride.A week later, Christine and I, girlfriend, are in bed no sex… milk. Btw I’m twenty years-old, this is eleven years ago…Back to Christine tellin me what she wants from the Russian Deliling like sex and completely disoriented and Christine saysThat was a long trip to the deli. THE END

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1LK74KNNyQ

I wanna peel every inch of my body to expose all of the nerves, dive in a pool of lemon dipped with salt and 12 pounds of cinnamon in my mouth, hit both of my elbows really hard, smash both of my balls, swallow every razor blade, pierce my eyes with needles, drill my ears completely, and pull out my tongue with a big hook and tie it by a huge rock after meeting this guy.