Recent reviews by Mr. Fawking Obama

Playing this game is the equivalent to having some rat b*stard of a 15 year old brat as your child, who also happens to steal money from your credit card on any given chance he has. Do you enjoy letting the little mistake fist your wallet until it's empty? No, of f*cking course not. Do you love your son? No but your wife does so you deal with it.

Where was I going with that?

Why do we sh*t, just to wipe?

This game will help you edge like no other, and I'm not talking about a sharp edge, like a knife. This game can cure testicular cancer, somewhat. How that correlates to edging I don't f*cking know anymore.

I never know what the f*ck is going on but I can assure you that my pants have been soiled.

Would have a heart attack again. Good job.

This game makes my pee-pee go doki-doki. Orgasmic, perhaps?

69 hours is about the right amount of hours to stop playing a game.

This game is like having a wife that leaves you, just to come back to you. It happens again, and again, and again. The two of you f*ck like rabbits, she miscarriages, then she leaves you, but then you both somehow f*cking come back together to repeat this same senseless cycle. If that isn't the definition of being a masochist, I don't know what f*cking is.

I don't know what the f*ck they're saying but I can tell you that their blood-curdling screams as they charge towards each other to brutally maim one another is an awfully fun time to watch, and I am definitely hard. Not difficulty hard, by the way.

This game gives me an awkwardly confusing erection when I'm zooming across a room like some crack baby high on acid. You would probably suffer seizures if you played this game while high.

Good job.

Was on a voyage back home at sea when I got chased by TWO serpents in a row, one of them ending up de-spawning after I got too far from it. Brought the lanky b@stard back home and the entire group went ape mode on it, from shooting the f*cker up with our bows and attacking it with spears to ONE OF US LITERALLY RAMMING A RAFT AGAINST IT AND CHASING IT DOWN WHEN IT FLED.

The game has its annoyances, like any other game, but it's damn bloody good fun for it to be an EA game. Can't wait to see how this game develops.

This game really put "I SH1T MYSELF!!!" into an entirely whole new perspective. Well done.

This game reminds me of my hemorrhoids.

It's a wildly good time to scratch that dinosaur-enslavement-camp itch, this game eases that feeling better than any other game out there.

But the microtransactions that this game tries to shove up our a$ses is akin to bleeding after scratching that itch for too long. Not good. Not fun. Perhaps, a pain in my a$s? Yes.

Stupid reptiles look very pretty though so I won't crack down on your predatory (haha) microtransactions. But be wary, because their DLC list is spreading like advanced rectal cancer.