Recent reviews by CupCupBaconBox

DAEDALIC IS DEAD. THE AWFUL GOLLUM GAME THEY MADE FLOPPED, SO NOW THE DEVELOPER IS GONE.

I bought this for the sole purpose of roasting Bethesda for not including lossless, which defeats the entire purpose of buying a soundtrack instead of listening for free on YouTube or Spotify. In a sane world, buying a digital soundtrack would always furnish you with raw, uncompressed audio formats (such as FLAC, WAV, or ALAC) so that you can personally preserve the tracks in pristine condition for posterity and then compress them at your leisure into whichever lossy formats you prefer (MP3, M4A, etc).

But instead of being sane, Todd Howard decided to be a poop jouster and charge money for pre-compressed MP3s, even though almost all soundtracks sold on Steam will include both MP3s and lossless. What a lame turns of events! What greedy little vinegar merchants!

The soundtrack itself is great. I also purchased it as a way of throwing a few pity bucks at Obsidian as consolation for dropping the ball with Avowed (that game is a woke tornado of AIDS).

Lmao! These are all MP3s, no lossless. The entire point of buying a soundtrack on Steam is to own lossless rips that you can keep forever and compress however you want. Also, these tracks have ZERO metadata/tags, which is egregious. I bet they were going to add the metadata but Todd Howard decided to have the intern give him a foot massage that day. What a rancid pervert. Maybe Elon will uncover something in DOGE that gets him canceled. I feel nothing but disgust.

The last Bethesda game that actually has good writing. This was the Golden Age, before Emil Pagliarulo decided to treat the Elder Scrolls and Fallout lore the way my dog treats the living room carpet when his butt itches. Mod it up with some grass from the Nexus, kick back and pour yourself some Clamato juice, then realize that you're a loser who shouldn't be playing videogames at this point in your life. Then remember that Trump won the election and that this is MAGA country now, so you can do whatever you want. So turn the game back on and realize that it's super dated and that you'd rather play Kingdom Come or Skyrim again. I wonder if Trump is really going to buy Greenland.

Editor Extensions CAW CAW.

DOES THAT MEAN MY SOCIAL SECURITY WILL INCREASE BECAUSE I HAVE THIS INSTALLED CAW CAW?

This is a pro-life MAGA game. How do I know this? Because my daughter played this for like two weeks over at my nephew's house and now she's pregnant. This is another nail in the national coffin by the fascist chuds.

There are two very big reasons to play this game.






Yes, I'm talking about Barret's big sexy feet.

One of the most erotic games I've ever played. My pants were unzipped throughout my entire playthrough. 10/10.

How did Neil Cuckman make this? A masterpiece, one of the greatest games ever made, a true classic of post-apocalyptic literature... and it's made by the same woke numb nuts who made the sequel into a deconstructive nihilistic nightmare about lesbians getting their periods desynced and going on psychotic rampages and committing genocide? Imagine if someone wrote the Bible and then a week later wrote Fifty Shades of Grey

The first Subnautica was a 7/10 game that did some things 10/10 and some things 5/10. Its follow-up, Below Zero, does the 5/10 things 7/10, and the 10/10 things 5/10. Confused? Me too. I have no idea what any of that means.

But my point is that while this game is more successful than Subnautica at guiding the player and providing some general sense of direction, it utterly fails at presenting the player with a believable oceanic abyss to adventure in. Below Zero's world feels artificial, like a Subnautica skinned theme park. Lost is the sense of depthless scale that haunted the player in the first game. Instead, we get a noisy, overly colorful (feels fake), overly cluttered (resources are so hyper-abundant that it feels like they are given to the player for free instead of earned), overly noisy (gone is the way the first game made silence unnerving owing to the fear of what might break it), overly curated world without any feeling of Dante-esque descent into the unknown spaces of a believable alien sea. It feels artificial, too safe, too noisy, too easy, totally missing the point of what made the first game successful.

If the first game was an organic salad seasoned with a homemade vinaigrette, Below Zero is a bowl of froot loops floating in slightly off milk in a plastic bowl. It looks pretty and will give you a brief sugar high, but eventually you'll crash and wake up under a tarp in Omaha with your legs and genitals slathered in sausage gravy.