I didn't know whether to thank the old man or to curse him for his time spent rattling the old barn door. Granted, we'd never have made it to Salisbury if the Horsequeen hadn't been sedated but something told me he had something in mind far more sinister than her usual tail-and-feather rigamarole. All we could do was wave and hope we'd made the right decision.

Having neither the components nor the know-how to make a device of pullies and spatulas to rescue them when overturned, most turtles starve to death in such a compromising position, but not Jackie Lightning. He knew better. He went three semesters of Community college.

i have given you the whales

The year was 1987. After returning from work, I noticed my house was unlocked; an unusual thing for me to do. After around 56 minutes of hard examination, I discovered my refridgerator was missing it's hats. I suspected my aunt, as she said she'd borrow some, but there was no catfish in the closet. Feeling dissapointment settle in my chest, I downed a bottle of gin and went to sleep next to my cat.

The year is 2016 and you are laughing at the pictures online. The pictures are funny because you understand the contextual foundation of the jokes. This understanding makes you feel included, as if you're part of an inside-joke. You look to your left, then to your right. You're actually alone. You've felt alone for years, but the pictures online help you to forget that. The pictures online make you feel like you're having genuine shared experience. You know deep down the experience is not genuine, because there is a void in your heart that even the dankest meme could never fill.

give me the ˢᵘᶜᶜ