Recent reviews by king grass ripper

why is there no button to grab this ♥♥♥♥♥ on the head and rip her hair off . i didnt lift every day of 2024 just to be tossed around by a little russian in a skirt

not good

it's fun (ISH) but it's still a predatory free to play game where all the live service is for selling things instead of making it funner

you see cool cyberpunk dudes in the trailer and then you get the game and go 10 matches without seeing as much as a hat on anybody because it costs 40 bucks to get a single skin

torture!

good!

Good!

the landscape,... bit and peace's of lifes sweat delight . , .. blessing of art/.. nothing like a lucky vitamin d .

I got this game when it first came out. I reached Stormveil (the first 'stronghold' area) while streaming to my friends (all of whom were super deep into the game already), and after getting lots of super in-depth tips from them, I rage quit after some ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (a friendly NPC steals your runes every time you die in his area, and I ended up going broke and losing all the souls I got from the 2 big previous bosses). After that, I uninstalled Elden Ring and didn't play it for a whole year. I thought about leaving a negative review for a while, because the experience I had first playing this game was ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, with too many secrets and too much emphasis on getting your time wasted ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ around and finding out.

A year later, I've dusted Elden Ring off to give it another try, except this time I played it my way. I didn't let anyone tell me what the "objectively best starting class" is, or take advice on what build to make, or which direction to go after I spawned. I just ran towards whichever horizon I wanted, killed what I met, ran away if I couldn't, looked up whatever guides I needed to to avoid wasting time with groundhog day-esque death-heavy puzzle segments. It was an entirely different experience, and said experience is the only way I can really recommend you play this game.

If you're going to play Elden Ring, do it the way you want to, and try to limit the number of outside voices telling you how you should be playing. There's a huge temptation to, just like in Tarkov, let Reddit-dwellers (or your friends in VC) do the thinking for you and tell you what you should be using for the most DPS or whatever - don't do this. Don't let elitist slimes tell you that you have to fight every boss head on either, or that you can't use summons, or that magic is 'gay', or that you shouldn't play any starting class besides the Samurai. Use however many quest guides or maps you feel you need, and just experience the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game with the features it has, in any combination that you want. If you're someone that gets frustrated when a seemingly meaningless decision causes something disastrous to happen, make sure to look up each NPC you meet to see if they're someone who's going to help or hinder you.

Oh and the story sucks, so stick to being impressed by visuals and cool weapons rather than by trying to make sense of all the dumb names and plotlines.

Fun AF with friends, get the DLC so you can make a wacky party of skeletons and goblins with your bros