Dear Sir/Madam:

I regret to inform you that yesterday at 11:34pm my grandson, Patty Melt, decided to end his life after years of struggling with his sexuality. As executor of his estate, I am informing you that it was his "fervent desire" that you take and care for his "treasured dragon dildos". He wanted to let you know that "(you are) the only one I can trust with my only love & source of joy, seeing to the whole gang continuing to bring analgasms for years to come". If you'll reply to this message with your address, social security number, and a copy of your driver's license I'll have these sent on their way.

God's Blessings,
Albert Goldstein