" ｙｏｕ ｗｅｒｅ ａ ｈａｐｐｙ ｄｒｅａｍ ｉｎ ａ ｌｉｆｅ ｔｈａｔ'ｓ ｂｅｅｎ ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ ｂｕｔ ａ ｈｅｌｌｉｓｈ ｎｉｇｈｔｍａｒｅ"

Clouds periodically cover the moon, casting a shadow over me as i sit in my room staring at the outside world, no particular thought remaining in my mind for too long.

My mind feels like a void, and time seems to pass without me noticing. I can't recall anything from the last few hours, or even days, i know something happened, i know i did things, or at least i think i did, but i can't rememeber anything, all that exists is me, the bed i currently lie on, the window to my left which casts the light from the outside, and the clock resting by the lamp to my right, ticking away as time goes by.

I'm not so sure what time it is, but it doesn't entirely matter, all that matters, are the final hours i will get to enjoy the peaceful sounds of nature, and the soothing presence of the moon, despite the ocasional passing cloud.

When did i do it? When did i stop feeling the sting? I lost track of time. Ever since i was left to fend for myself, without sustain, my mind became a blur, time means nothing, all i have anymore to spare me from the loneliness is the sound of clock to my right, and the glowing presence of the moon shining through the window to my left. They are all i have, and they are all i will have, until my eyes never open again.

As that thought crosses my mind, i start to notice the sting again, it's on my left, it's located on my left arm. What exactly did i do again? I lower my head to try and look at my arm resting on the bed and realise, i can't focus. When did i lose the ability to focus my vision? I realise my arm and the surrounding sheets are stained red, and then for a brief moment, the clouds covering my mind show an opening, and i remember.

I remember what i did, the origin of the sting, but when i try to recall more specifically what caused it, i draw a blank, as if something pushes me back every time, i just can't seem to remember. What exactly is hidden behind this unseen force?

As i slowly start to remember the presence of the growing pool of red, i stop thinking of anything else, and those thoughts wither away, soon to be lost forever.

As my vision starts to fade, and everything seems to blur more each passing tick of the clock, i turn my head back to the window. The moonlight has kept me company, it is beautiful and a true blessing to have it cast upon me, but i'm tired, the world around me is fading, and the waking world is no longer in my reach.

I think now, is the time to finally rest.


Written mid Summer of 2018

The dropplets fall on the window brightened only by my lamp, as i overlook the grey world outside brightened by street lights and moon´s conforting glow, cursing every passing figure in sight.

*sigh*

I lay down my cup of coffee with a morbid smile springing accross my face. Observing the dull glow eminating from my clock in the kitchen i realise there are but minutes remaining before i am lifted...

I set my phone on my desk without volume so all that surrounds me is the sound of rain outside and the gentle machineary flowing the air in the room with it´s artificial rotation which i now stand under, closer than what one should be.

I take one last look at the area that housed my existance these past years, a welcoming place that i have only barely been able to maintain. The view from this complex has been somewhat refreshing to see, however, i want to make one last change.

...

As my breath slows and my heartbeat increases, i close my eyes, after some breif glances of warming memories from my past, I begin to think, of my final journey, to The Purple Skied Garden.


Written in the late Summer of 2015