Recent reviews by captain_penis

Back in the day (Win 7) it used to work, and was quite fun. Would thumbs up if it worked, but, alas, the game does not even start on Win 11. What a shame.

Started the game, thought: nice. Played 5 minutes, screen went dark. CTRL-ALT-DELETE to the rescue. Restart, reload, invisible guy. CTRL-ALT-DELETE. Update drivers. Restart. Reload. Screen black, but can hear the game. Refund.

It's a shame, really. Should have known when I saw EA.

The suits thought it might be good to release an unfinished product. Do not buy, needs internet connection at all times. That is unfortunate if the backend servies are down. Assh0les!
It's a shame. Tryna refund now. Hopefully still possible as I let it run idle for a few hours.

TL;WR;
I cannot understand how the developers of such a fun and fine game suck the fun out of it by "implementing" permadeath. It negates every bit of positive entertainment that can be had in this game. Maybe I should have played it more to come to some other verdict, but the time I have put into it seems wasted.

The game is well done and fun to play. Controls, art work, aural and visual stuff is pleasing to the player. It is a very well crafted game.
I tried to give it a chance. I tried to get to grips with it, but after every death (either due to me just being stupid or the physics hating me or some other random combination of game mechanics) my motivation to play Noita vanished. The single cause for my dissatisfaction is permadeath as it is very annoying. If there was no permadeath this game would really make a fine addition to nearly every gamer's library. But the git gud in conjunction with the level and weapon RNG does not fit, as you might pickup weapons that just kill you upon firing (of course now you know, but better restart the run, and watch out for the implicit death combos in your wands ). Or the levels might be generated in a way that does not encourage exploring as you might be blown to pieces when just standing in the wrong place. The git gud of Noita sucks the fun out of the game as exploring the caves and tinkering with your wands is on one hand needed and on the other hand very risky and might kill you. If you are one of those people who like that, then go for it. If you are not, then you might even give it a try... but do not be disappointed if Noita's attitude gets on your nerves.

I have read some other comments about Noita being super rewarding once you finished it, and this might even be the case. But I do not want to explore resp. learn every death possibility until I get to finish the game. That is why my verdict is a thumbs down, with a heavy heart, as I would happily change my opinion if there was no permadeath. Without that, this game would entertain me until the end, and even more, as every other aspect of the game strikes my fancy.

Many hours in the game... as you can see. Sometimes the updates weren't that good, but then again, TFP made up for it in the next iteration even more. So, yeah. Buy it and don't copulate around.

In the midst of the game ("Denerim") game stopped working. Cannot load old saves nor the most current one.
Win 10 Pro.
Game itself is nice and good... but not really fit for Win 10.

At least I could play as far so I could make sweet sweet love with Morrigan... in ♥♥♥♥♥♥ underwear.

Well... what a shame! Cannot even play through the first 5 minutes without the game crashing. Tried twice, after the first big bot the image freezes, but I still can play... hearing movements and stuff. ALT-TAB crashes the game then. Refund! Maybe some other time I give this title a chance. For now... pc port cash grab. But game looks nice and I actually do wanna play it.

Bought be the game must.
Also with a sane savîng feature: Save, whenever you feel like it.
Also, the rest is fun. Don't ask no more, just buy the gaym and play it already. Now! Yes! You're welcome.

Start game, hit tab, play as our grandfathers played and as god intended gaming to be when he invented the matrix.
Best feature ever? No stamina! You're just running all the time. Why oh why do games from the 21st century do not get the mechanix right? This here, play you must, otherwise you azzhoe is.

Well, well, well. You see the comments stating that this game is not the best game there is? Believe them. I did not believe... ok... I believed them but had to see for myself: Veni, Vidi, Uninstalli!