Despite the negative thoughts I have expressed, I do feel hopeful for the future at the present moment, at least, haha.
I am certainly a strange creature living a strange life in a strange world, but every now and then the beauty of it all shines through.
Surely now I've said too much? :P
I do hope that fate has been graceful enough to grant you a life of love.
...
May your life be full of love. <3

I'm now looking at how much I have written here, and feeling rather embarrassed about it, haha.
I wonder if I've said too much?
Too much self expression seems to scare most people away, or at least invoke strong judgement...and I guess I am a bit strange, haha.
Instead of deleting or rethinking my comments, I'll just try to avoid thinking about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I think I may just be going through a prolonged mental break.
I've probably been going through it for a long time.
Existential crisis, combined with a Quarter Life crisis, combined with cabin fever from over a decade of social isolation, or something.
That's normal, right? :P
This existence can be so dramatic, yet so absurd at the same time.
I sometimes wonder if I should feel ashamed for not taking it seriously enough, or for taking it seriously at all.
I don't know, I really am just talking to myself here.
I'm a mess, and I have no idea what I'm doing...but whatever happens I'm sure things will work out as they are meant to.

Sorry for being so negative, but that's where I'm at.
I hope you're doing well, and I'm glad I had the opportunity to share time with you, even if only for a short while.
I'll remain here for a few more months, at least.
...
May every seed you sow bear great fruit. <3

I've been strongly considering retiring from this world.
It was pondering all that had occurred in my life while considering this, which allowed me to remember your presence within it.
The context of my life has left me without friends(Can you tell by my rambling? :P), and it doesn't seem I'm capable of changing that.
The favorable side of my family has no love for me, and the unfavorable side only keeps me around to benefit themselves.
Everyone around me displays nothing, but apathy towards my presence, and I can't help, but feel the same.
I'm not really sure what I am here for...but you left a loose end for me, and I'd rather not leave with it still untied.
(It was only one message. Did it even actually happen, or is my subconscious hallucinating a past event to find a reason to cling to this world?)
The more I think on it, the more I believe that despite only knowing you online, you were the closest I got to having a true friend.

Does "I" even exist, or is it nothing more than a convenient, comforting abstract concept?
Was my coming into existence a choice made by those before me, a "gift", or simply an inevitability?
And if all is predetermined, Does it actually mean anything, or is it all just happenstance?
Your presence in my life, for example.
We met at a time in my life when I was otherwise the most socially isolated I could have been, yet somehow, for whatever reason you were there as a part of this "life experience" of mine.
I guess I was part of yours, as well, and you even had the will to seek me out years after we had stopped talking, though I still can't be sure why.
Does that mean anything?
Is any of it important?
Are we not all just seriously sophisticated chaotic particles bouncing in whatever direction the cosmic winds blow?
...I don't know...

If the dinosaurs had not been wiped out, Presumably this species could not have developed as it did.
In order for us to exist in this moment as we do, every moment up to this one must have occurred exactly as it did, yet it seems to me that it all could not possibly have happened any other way.
The meteorite that struck earth 66 million years ago was manipulated by consistent, predictable gravitation fields, and so could not have diverted from its path.
Peoples perceptions, behaviors, thoughts, and desires while varying greatly between people are quite consistent, and predictable within an individual.
If not externally, then at least internally, as they are influenced by genetics, hormones, and neural pathways, which are further influenced by ones environment.
It seems chaotic, and unpredictable only due to how many subtle factors are at play.
It must be asked, then if "I" have ever truly made a decision of "my own"?