Recent reviews by Boni 🌀| Game & TF Key

Welcome to Yakuza 0, a game where you can go from a dramatic mobster showdown to winning a karaoke contest in under five minutes. It’s like GTA met a Japanese soap opera, then went on a bender in the 1980s.

Story: You’re Kiryu Kazuma, a junior yakuza with a heart of gold (and fists of fury), and Goro Majima, a guy who looks like a lunatic but somehow moonlights as the classiest nightclub manager in Osaka. Both are trapped in a plot filled with betrayal, honor, and real estate. Yes, real estate. Because when you’re not curb-stomping goons, you’re out here buying up half of Tokyo like it’s Monopoly, but with more headbutts.

Combat: Speaking of headbutts, the combat is absurdly satisfying. There are multiple fighting styles, from Kiryu’s no-nonsense brawling to Majima’s breakdancing street-fighter act. You can also use whatever you find lying around—bikes, traffic cones, or, you know, couches—to smash some sense into your enemies. Physics? Never heard of her.

Side Quests: This is where the game truly shines. One minute you're helping a kid retrieve his stolen game, the next you're teaching a dominatrix how to assert dominance (don’t ask). The world of Yakuza 0 is as bonkers as it is beautiful, and there’s always something strange but oddly heartwarming waiting around every corner.

Minigames: Oh, did I mention the minigames? We’ve got karaoke, bowling, pool, arcade games, dancing, fishing, and even managing a cabaret club. You can literally run an entire hostess bar and get emotionally invested in which girl brings in the most customers. Somehow, in the middle of all this, you’ll find time to dismantle rival gangs. Priorities, right?

Graphics and Atmosphere: 1980s Japan has never looked so good. The neon lights, the bustling streets, the suits—everything oozes style. You’ll feel like you’ve stepped into a time machine, but instead of a DeLorean, it’s powered by fist fights and epic disco moves.

Verdict: Yakuza 0 is a masterpiece of chaotic, heartfelt storytelling with enough absurdity to keep you laughing, crying, and questioning life. You’ll come for the crime drama, but you’ll stay for the karaoke.

Final Rating: 10/10, would breakdance my way through Osaka while belting out 'Judgment' again.

Ah, Alan Wake. The game where you, a writer, get to experience what it’s like when your inner demons manifest as actual shadowy monsters, and your only solution is to shine a flashlight at them while yelling, "I JUST WANTED TO FINISH MY NOVEL!"

Story: You play as Alan Wake, a best-selling author who’s having the worst case of writer’s block ever. Instead of just procrastinating on Twitter like the rest of us, Alan decides to visit a creepy small town where, surprise, things go horribly wrong. His wife disappears, and suddenly his life is a Stephen King novel... with more fog.

Combat: Armed with the power of batteries, you’ll spend most of your time trying to figure out why the darkness hates flashlights so much. It’s like horror monsters have a secret weakness for energizer-powered beams of light. And honestly, there's nothing quite like fighting terrifying shadow creatures while desperately scrambling to find more Duracells.

Atmosphere: Remedy Entertainment really nails the spooky, small-town vibe. Bright Falls is basically Twin Peaks if David Lynch decided to go extra hard on the fog machine. The eerie setting, paired with the game’s unsettling soundtrack, means you’ll constantly be on edge... but in a good way, of course.

Writing: Alan is a writer who can’t write—talk about irony. The game’s narrative is fantastic, filled with tension, mystery, and dialogue that makes you feel like you’re stuck in the world’s most intense thriller novel. Alan also narrates his thoughts throughout the game, because if you don’t tell yourself that everything is terrible, who will?

Verdict: If you like spooky stories, flashlight-based combat, and characters who should’ve stayed home with a cup of coffee instead of vacationing in nightmare town, then Alan Wake is for you. Just don’t expect it to cure any writer’s block—you’ll probably just be more paranoid about the next time the lights flicker in your house.

Final Rating: 9/10, would run through the woods with a flashlight while muttering existential thoughts again.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/5) - "Because why defuse a situation calmly when you can flashbang yourself and make it worse?"

Welcome to Ready or Not, the game that shows you just how unprepared you are for the intense life of a SWAT officer. If you've ever wondered what it's like to tactically kick down a door, throw a flashbang directly into your own face, and then apologize to your team for the chaos you caused—this is the game for you.

Gameplay: Imagine a high-stakes operation where the only thing standing between you and success is your ability to misinterpret every single button press. "Press F to handcuff?" Nah, let’s just shoot the hostage by accident instead. There’s nothing quite like realizing your "suspect" is actually a terrified civilian and you've just tasered him into oblivion. Oops.

Tactics: Want to feel like you're in a Hollywood SWAT team? Think again. You'll go in with a plan, and 10 seconds later, it’ll devolve into pure panic as you yell "Get down!" at an empty room. If you’re lucky, you’ll arrest a chair while your teammates accidentally breach the wrong wall.

Teamwork: Coordinating with friends? More like trying to babysit a group of trigger-happy toddlers. One second you're clearing a room, and the next, your teammate is "accidentally" tossing grenades like it's a Call of Duty highlight reel.

Realism: The game is so realistic that you’ll spend half your time waiting to spawn because you made one wrong move and are now watching your team slowly spiral into madness without you. It’s basically like watching a reality show where no one knows how to do their job. You’ll die frequently, but don’t worry—it’s all part of the learning experience (or so they say).

Graphics: Every corridor looks like it's straight out of a "Welcome to the SWAT Academy" brochure, which is ironic because if there were an actual academy for this, you'd probably be expelled within the first five minutes.

The Verdict: If you’re into tactical, high-stakes gameplay with the occasional laugh-out-loud disaster, Ready or Not will give you the thrill of being a SWAT officer who’s... let’s say, "still learning the ropes."

Just remember: when you're yelling at your screen because your plan went sideways for the 17th time, the real victory is the friends (or enemies) you made along the way.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/5) - "Finally, a game that lets me lose World War II as every single country."

Ah, Hearts of Iron IV—the game where you, too, can realize that being a world leader during WWII is actually more complicated than just clicking on units and telling them to go "conquer that."

Gameplay: Want to lead a small, insignificant nation and turn it into a superpower? Good luck, because you’ll spend 90% of your time managing resources and wondering why your troops refuse to move. Want to play as Germany? Oh, you sweet summer child. Prepare for an existential crisis around 1942. And don't even get me started on what happens when you let the AI take control of Italy.

Diplomacy: Why negotiate peace when you can just declare war on everyone, then watch the world burn while you furiously try to manage 37 different fronts at once? Honestly, it feels like a metaphor for life—just with more tanks.

AI: The real hero of this game is the AI. Sometimes it feels like it’s actively sabotaging you. Oh, your allies? You thought they were going to help you? Nope. Turns out they’re too busy sending random divisions to pointless corners of the map while you try not to lose Moscow for the 8th time. Thanks, guys. Great teamwork.

World Conquest: So, you’ve declared war on the whole world. Congratulations, you’ve now turned WWII into a chaotic nightmare where you’ll micromanage logistics until your head explodes. But don’t worry, victory is at your fingertips! (Just not for the next 100 hours.)

Graphics: Why focus on pretty visuals when you have so many spreadsheets to stare at? The map looks like a Risk board on steroids, but don’t get too attached, because your borders will shift more times than a soap opera love triangle.

Mods: Thank goodness for the modding community, because once you’ve been humiliated by AI-controlled France for the 10th time, it’s nice to escape into alternate realities where the UK becomes a communist utopia, or Japan peacefully conquers the world through anime.

Final Verdict: Hearts of Iron IV is the perfect game for those who thought that Risk just wasn’t stressful enough. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to command millions of troops, manage production lines, and lose battles because you forgot to research a crucial technology in 1937, this game is for you.

Just remember: the real Hearts of Iron were the friends we lost along the way to logistical mismanagement.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/5) - "Because nothing says fantasy quite like pushing a car in the middle of a desert while listening to old Final Fantasy music on the radio."

Ah yes, FINAL FANTASY XV, the game where you and your three best bros embark on the most epic camping trip of all time. Sure, there's an ancient prophecy, a kingdom to save, and all that "chosen one" stuff, but let’s be real—this game is mostly about driving around, taking selfies, and eating pixelated gourmet meals that look way better than anything I’ve ever cooked in real life.

Story: Prince Noctis is on a quest to marry the love of his life, but instead of booking a direct flight, he decides to take the scenic route… across a continent filled with deadly monsters and imperial soldiers. It’s like "The Bachelor" meets "Mad Max," but with more chocobos and hair gel.

Gameplay: Want to explore vast, beautiful landscapes? Want to fight giant monsters while simultaneously contemplating the meaning of friendship? Want to spend hours fishing because saving the world can wait until you've caught that legendary fish? Well, this game has you covered.

Graphics: Stunning. Like, "I spent 30 minutes admiring the sunset instead of fighting that monster" stunning. The scenery is so beautiful, you might forget that your kingdom is falling apart while you’re too busy running errands and taking in the view.

Combat: Hack, slash, teleport, repeat. It’s flashy, it’s chaotic, and half the time you’re not even sure what’s happening, but somehow it all works. And don’t worry, your loyal bros will always be there to scream “Noct!” every time you get hit, just to remind you that yes, you are the main character.

Side Quests: Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be a prince who spends his days helping random strangers find lost frogs? Well, now you don’t have to wonder. The side quests range from "helpful" to "I’m literally wasting my royal bloodline on this," but hey, at least the rewards are worth it… sometimes.

Road Trip Vibes: If you ever wanted a Final Fantasy game that lets you cruise around in a luxury car, blasting music from previous Final Fantasy games while your bros comment on the scenery, then congrats, this game was made for you. Just be prepared for endless pit stops, because apparently fast travel is overrated.

Cooking Mini-Game: I hope you like food, because Ignis is about to make you feel bad about every meal you’ve ever eaten. His cooking skills are off the charts, and the attention to detail on those dishes will make you question why you’re not in culinary school instead of playing video games.

Verdict: Do I recommend FINAL FANTASY XV WINDOWS EDITION? Absolutely. If you’ve ever wanted to spend 4,018.9 hours camping, driving, and bonding with your bros while occasionally saving the world, then this is the game for you. Just don’t forget to pack your fishing rod, because the fate of the world can wait until you’ve caught that one fish.

Enjoy the journey, and may your road trip through Eos be filled with as many photo ops and perfectly cooked meals as mine! 🛣️🍜🌄

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/5) - "Because nothing screams 'relaxing game' like getting stomped by a fire-breathing dragon for the 73rd time."

Welcome to Monster Hunter: World, where you’ll spend 90% of your time chasing monsters the size of skyscrapers, and the other 10% wishing you hadn’t. But don’t worry, it’s all worth it when you finally craft that one set of armor that makes you look like a fashionable, medieval Power Ranger.

Plot: Yeah, there's a story... something about saving the ecosystem or whatever. But let’s be honest, nobody's here for that. We're here to bash giant monsters over the head with weapons that make zero sense but look undeniably cool.

Gameplay: It’s simple, really. You see a monster. The monster sees you. You both proceed to engage in an epic dance of death where one of you is definitely going to need a chiropractor afterward. And, spoiler alert: it’s probably you. But don’t worry, after 5,307 hours, you’ll have mastered the fine art of dodging right into the monster’s attack.

Graphics: Gorgeous. Absolutely breathtaking. You’ll spend hours marveling at the beautiful landscapes… right before a flying wyvern swoops down and ruins your peaceful nature walk by turning you into a snack.

Crafting System: Ah, yes. The joy of grinding for hours to gather materials from a monster, only to finally craft a weapon that somehow still isn’t strong enough to defeat the next one. But hey, at least you look cool, right? Fashion is endgame, after all.

Co-op: Have friends? Good, because you’ll need them to help you faint three times in under five minutes. But nothing brings people together like collectively screaming at an Elder Dragon while flailing around with oversized weapons.

Life Lessons: This game has taught me that patience is a virtue. Mostly because you’ll need a lot of it to survive multiple failed hunts and the emotional rollercoaster of farming for rare materials. But the satisfaction of finally taking down a monster after hours of strategizing? Priceless. (Until you realize you need to hunt five more for full armor.)

So, if you love spending hours of your life chasing monsters only to cart back to camp in defeat—and then do it all over again because the loot is so worth it—then Monster Hunter: World is the game for you. I highly recommend it… if you value monster hunting more than sleep or social life.

Thanks for reading, and may all your hunts be filled with screaming and slightly successful dodging. Happy hunting! 🐉🎯🔨

Good luck out there, hunter!

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/5) - "Because nothing says 'monster slayer' like spending hours picking the perfect beard style."

Step into the boots of Geralt of Rivia, the universe’s most reluctant babysitter. Your mission? Track down Ciri, the Child of Prophecy, who’s probably off doing something reckless—again. But let’s be real, you’ll spend more time choosing the right haircuts and getting distracted by Gwent than actually saving the world.

Plot: Epic. Like, really epic. You’ve got your missing child, political intrigue, and monsters galore. But who cares about all that when there’s a perfectly good side quest involving a frying pan that needs your immediate attention?

Gameplay: Ever wanted to run through a monster-infested world while obsessing over the perfect angle for Geralt’s hair in the wind? This is your game. Between battling wraiths and saving peasants, you’ll find yourself sucked into countless hours of side quests that make you wonder, “Wait, wasn’t I supposed to be saving someone?”

Graphics: Stunning. Every blade of grass, every drop of water, every smoldering look from Geralt is a masterpiece. And don’t even get me started on how amazing the food looks. Seriously, why does pixelated stew look better than anything I’ve ever cooked?

Performance: Solid, but don’t blame me when your social life starts to resemble that of a hermit’s. After 8,317.4 hours, I’ve officially lost track of time, space, and the difference between reality and fantasy. But hey, at least Geralt’s beard is on point.

Life Lessons: This game taught me that no matter how many monsters you slay or how many noble quests you complete, someone will always have a bigger Gwent deck. Also, it’s okay to spend 45 minutes deciding whether or not to kill a virtual monster based on the morality of it all. It’s called “immersive role-playing,” and it’s totally healthy.

So, if you enjoy epic storytelling, morally ambiguous choices, and spending hours in a virtual bar winning at Gwent while the world burns, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is the game for you. I highly recommend it—just don’t forget to occasionally step outside and remember what the sun looks like.

If this review made you chuckle, nod in agreement, or question your own life choices, feel free to send me a Steam Award. After all, I’ve earned it with 8,317.4 hours of monster-slaying, beard-styling dedication.

Thanks for reading, and may your swords be sharp, your Gwent hand unbeatable, and your hair always perfectly tousled! ⚔️🃏💇‍♂️

Enjoy being Geralt of Rivia—the monster slayer with the best hair in the land!

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 (5/5) - "Because walking to the computer is so last century."

Ever dreamed of navigating your PC with a controller from the comfort of your couch, all while avoiding any form of physical activity? Say hello to Controller Companion, the software that puts the power of your mouse, media, and keyboard right in the palms of your hands—so you never have to leave your couch again.

Plot: There’s no plot, but who needs one when you can turn your controller into a mouse? Imagine the freedom of scrolling through Netflix, skipping songs on Spotify, and closing those annoying pop-ups, all without the horror of getting up. It’s like a lazy person’s dream come true.

Gameplay: It’s simple: turn your controller into the ultimate remote control. Move the cursor, click, drag, type, and even control your media with the ease of a button press. Pro tip: don’t accidentally open your boss's email when you meant to click on that cat video.

Graphics: Who cares about graphics when you’re too busy basking in the glory of never needing to touch your keyboard again? Okay, fine—the interface is clean and user-friendly, but honestly, the real beauty is in the convenience.

Performance: Smooth as butter. No lag, no hiccups, just pure, unadulterated laziness. After 86.3 hours (yes, I’ve officially embraced my inner sloth), I can confirm that Controller Companion works flawlessly, ensuring you’ll never have to get up again.

Life Lessons: This software taught me that mobility is overrated, and that true happiness lies in the palm of a controller. It’s a stark reminder that modern technology is here to cater to our laziest desires.

So, if you’re in the mood for a utility that combines convenience with the ultimate couch-potato lifestyle, Controller Companion is the software for you.

If this review made you laugh, nod in agreement, or reconsider your life choices, send a Steam Award my way. Because after 86.3 hours of doing absolutely nothing, I deserve a little recognition for my commitment to comfort.

Thanks for reading, and may your controller always be within arm’s reach! 🎮🛋️

Enjoy your new-found couch-based freedom!

Are you ready to dive headfirst into the chaos of intergalactic warfare, where your biggest enemy is often your own teammate? Welcome to HELLDIVERS™ 2, the game that perfectly balances the thrill of combat with the hilarity of accidental team kills. Arrowhead Game Studios has truly outdone themselves with this masterpiece of mayhem. 🚀💥

Pros:
Action-Packed Gameplay: If you’ve ever wanted to experience the adrenaline rush of war without the pesky risk of actual death, this game is for you. The combat is fast, frantic, and ferociously fun. Plus, nothing says teamwork like shouting at your friends to stop shooting you.

Graphics: The visuals are so stunning you might forget you’re in the middle of a galactic battlefield. The explosions are particularly beautiful, especially when they’re caused by a misfired rocket from your buddy Steve. 💣

Co-Op Madness: There’s no better bonding experience than accidentally blowing up your friends. The online co-op mode ensures that every mission is a delightful mix of strategy and absolute chaos. Who needs enemies when you’ve got trigger-happy allies?

Cons:
Friendly Fire: The true hallmark of HELLDIVERS™ 2. If you enjoy the thrill of dodging enemy fire and your teammates’ bullets simultaneously, you’re in for a treat. Otherwise, prepare for a lot of “Sorry, my bad!” moments. 😬

Difficulty: The game’s difficulty level ranges from “mildly challenging” to “throw your controller across the room.” Perfect for those who enjoy the sweet taste of frustration with their coffee.

Resource Management: If you love juggling resources and strategizing under pressure, you’ll feel right at home. If not, well, at least the explosions are pretty. 🌌🪖

Gameplay:
The gameplay is a perfect blend of strategy and chaos. You’ll spend half your time meticulously planning your next move and the other half screaming as everything goes horribly wrong. Whether it’s a swarm of alien bugs or a miscalculated airstrike, something is always ready to ruin your day. But hey, at least you’re ruining it with friends.

Weapons and Gear:
The arsenal in HELLDIVERS™ 2 is extensive and varied. You’ll have everything from standard-issue rifles to over-the-top explosive devices. Just be careful, because the more powerful the weapon, the more likely you are to accidentally wipe out your entire squad. Nothing says “Oops” like a well-placed grenade.

Multiplayer Experience:
The multiplayer experience is where HELLDIVERS™ 2 truly shines. There’s nothing quite like coordinating with your friends, executing a perfect strategy, and then watching it all fall apart spectacularly. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions: frustration, laughter, and the occasional rage quit. But mostly laughter. Lots and lots of laughter.

Overall, HELLDIVERS™ 2 is a rollercoaster ride through the galaxy that’s best enjoyed with friends who have a good sense of humor and a high tolerance for friendly fire. If you’re looking for a game that combines intense third-person shooting with the unpredictability of multiplayer mayhem, this is the game for you. Just remember, in the world of HELLDIVERS™ 2, the real enemy is often standing right beside you.

Enjoy saving the galaxy, one accidental team kill at a time! 🌌💥

Hope this review captures the fun and chaos of HELLDIVERS™ 2 with a bit of added humor! Enjoy your intergalactic adventures! 🚀

X-Plane 11 is the Rolls-Royce of flight simulators, if Rolls-Royce occasionally broke down and required you to read a 400-page manual just to start the engine. Developed by Laminar Research, this gem promises the most detailed and realistic flying experience ever. And boy, does it deliver, in a way that makes you question your life choices and dedication to simulated aviation.

Graphics: The visuals are stunning, assuming you have a computer designed by NASA and a penchant for tweaking settings for hours. Want to see the world in all its glory? Get ready to download terabytes of scenery, because default textures look like they were made in Microsoft Paint circa 1995.

User Interface: "Intuitive" might be a bit of a stretch here. The UI is as intuitive as assembling IKEA furniture without instructions. But hey, if you ever get lost in the menus, just remember that real pilots probably spend years learning how to navigate their instruments, so why should you have it any easier?

3-D Cockpits: The cockpits are marvels of 3-D modeling. Each switch, knob, and lever is meticulously detailed and perfectly capable of causing catastrophic in-flight failures if you accidentally touch the wrong one. It’s a perfect mix of awe and terror.

Sound: The 3-D sound effects are so realistic, you’ll swear there’s an actual plane flying through your living room. Just be prepared for some awkward conversations with your neighbors about the loud jet engine noises at 3 AM.

Living Airports: The airports are bustling hubs of activity, or so they say. Personally, I haven’t seen much “living” going on, unless you count the AI ground crew that occasionally walks into propellers.

Worldwide Scenery: Yes, it’s all there – the entire world at your fingertips! Unfortunately, it’s mostly flat, low-res, and you’ll need to sell a kidney to afford the hard drives required to store all the high-definition scenery packs.

Flight Realism: X-Plane 11 nails flight dynamics so well that it feels like you're actually piloting a real plane – including the moments where you have no idea what you're doing and pray you don't crash. And let’s not forget the joys of managing fuel, weight balance, and weather conditions. Who knew flying could be this much fun?

VR Support: For those brave enough to try VR, it’s an immersive experience that will either make you feel like an ace pilot or induce severe motion sickness. Good luck keeping your lunch down during turbulence.

Time Commitment: With 7,887.5 hours logged, it’s safe to say this simulator is a lifestyle choice. Who needs friends or hobbies when you can spend your entire existence mastering the art of virtual flight?

In conclusion, X-Plane 11 is the ultimate flight simulator for those with the patience of a saint, a high-end gaming rig, and a deep love for aviation. It's a test of endurance, technical skill, and sheer willpower. And if you found this review helpful or amusing, consider giving it a Steam Award. Every little bit helps keep me flying high. Happy landings! ✈️