Now hear me out. When masturbating you're essentially both giving AND receiving a handjob at the same time from a guy. That’s pretty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ gay if you ask me. Now say you see a cute guy, his ass is so ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ nice and slappable, his juicy feminine lips look like they were made to be wrapped around your ♥♥♥♥, and his hands are soft and slender, maybe even more so than your own (thereby making it even less gay). You make your move and he agrees to give you a handy. In this case, you’re simply receiving a handjob, you aren’t giving one as well. That’s half the gay, guys. Stop masturbating, it’s gay as ♥♥♥♥. Get yourself a man that’ll give you a hand.

P.S. if you do decide to give him one back in return because his beautiful, glistening, throbbing ♥♥♥♥ is just sitting there asking to be stroked, just make sure he’s somewhat more feminine than yourself because technically, giving and receiving a handjob from someone more feminine is less gay than someone who is more masculine (yourself).

PP.S would giving AND receiving a handjob from a male be equivalently/less gay than just receiving OR giving a blowjob?? Please let me know because I’m no gayer than the average straight man who indulges in masturbation but I really, really want to suck my friend’s ♥♥♥♥.