Recent reviews by the mighty wein

this game feels less like borderlands 4 and more like god himself putting his wet thumbprint on a usb stick and shoving it into my console. every bullet i fire feels like i’m baptizing a bandit in molten skag piss. the guns don’t just shoot, they ejaculate personality, like every trigger pull is a small aneurysm of joy.

the writing? it’s cracked out adult swim energy distilled through meth fumes and gearbox’s refusal to touch grass. claptrap’s back and somehow worse, and i thank the devs for keeping that tradition holy.

loot rain? oh brother, it’s not loot anymore—it’s a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ biblical plague of shinies. purple grenades clogging my inventory like divine hemorrhoids. legendary weapons raining so hard i started praying for a drought.

borderlands 4 isn’t a game, it’s a ritual. you don’t play it, you worship at its altar, slamming the “reload” button like rosary beads. every boss fight feels like i’m getting jumped by a walmart parking lot demon on bath salts.

final verdict: 11/10. i would let this game spit in my mouth and call me loot goblin daddy.