Recent reviews by baronvonbadbeaver

I bought this game and never played it. Instead I watched several let's plays, and lurked the 4chan /vg/ threads and saw all the pornos and upon their conclusion felt satisfied that I had made a good purchase.

In this game I can play as belgians that turn into americans because of this game's ♥♥♥♥♥♥ matchmaking and netcode.

In rising storm I am allowed to burn things that don't mean anything to me. In red orchestra I can be russian which is also, existentially, meaningless.

There are two things that I am honestly obsessed with: genocide of native peoples as a result of european colonialism, and Tim Gunn's guide to style. This game satifies both urges.

One time a door hacked my legs. I fell in love with the world at that moment.

I didn't know ducks could be sexxxy, but then I shot one with a tachyon laser mining beam and I sprouted 4 boners.

One time I cryed in fear while sitting on the toilet after 4 beef quesaritos from taco bell.

I kept shooting people to find all the drugs but all I got was chalk outlines.

This is the best thing to show someone after they have died in a coma.

If you need a reason to hurt someone you love, give them this game, or hurt yourself and play it.