Recent reviews by Banannixx

Communism Simulator

Bike.

7/10

Pretty good visuals and decent story for 10 minutes.

SPOILER ALERT, You don't actually get to receive Colonel Sanders throbbing hot chicken tender with 11 spices and herbs. :(

The Story of Borscht (Boris) Wahdinsky


It all really started with Borscht's parents, Gronglug and Yaz'Durash Wahdinsky. Gronglug was a soldier; he fought in every war, battle, and petty fight he can remember, which is surprising, given he now has mild Alzheimer's. Yaz'Durash is a skilled farmer, warrior, and smith in her village.
Gronglug met Yaz'Durash while fighting against invading high elves in the battle of Half Horst Hill. The High Elves had recently captured the area when Gronglug's unit were sent to push the threat back. (The area had always been highly contested and if you look into it, it was actually the orcs who first invaded high elf territory, but let's not go off on a tangent here...) In the midst of the battle, he ended up being launched by a fireball from a mage and sent crashing into Yaz'Durash's hut. The two immediately fell in love and started massacring the elves. Unfortunately, Gronglug received a terrible infection in his right leg and had to have it amputated. As such, he was discharged from the Orcish army. He was hungry though, so he skinned, cooked, and ate it soon after. In order to marry Yaz'Durash, he had to challenge the chieftain of the village. He did so by propping himself up on a rake and punching the chief square in the face. The chief, not wanting to lose his position, offered the mightier orc property in the village and and the ability to marry Yaz'Durash. Gronglug called him a coward, but accepted nonetheless. Since he no longer had the option to properly fight, Gronglug decided to do the next best thing, his own father's passion; (re)building a house, tending a farm, and having kids. Yaz'Durash's village was a place where nobody had a last name, which seemed alien to Gronglug, who well, had a last name, it being Wahdinsky. He later realized that not having one was actually the norm. Yaz'Durash accepted having one though, because why not?

Life on the farm was great, the hut was rebuilt into something that resembled a house, and despite his grievous injury, Gronglug somehow managed to keep up with his wife by plowing the fields, planting seeds, and harvesting crops. Sadly, this all came to an end when a hundred-year-drought ravaged the land (orcs are like elves and can live for a long time). Despite it's once great fertility, the area had become barren and dry. Famine ravaged the area, crops refused to prove bountiful, and through it all, Yaz'Durash birthed two sons, the poor farmers named their sons after the only things they ever wanted through this trying time: food.
The first son was named Borscht and the second Kurnik. Borscht was short, built like a brick, very strong, and favored by his mother as he did farm work easily using said strength. Kurnik was tall, skinny, lanky, and favored by his father as he was very intelligent for an orc; instead of wasting energy doing physical labor (as food was scarce) he built contraptions that could do the labor without wasting such energy. As a result of his work ethic, Borscht had to eat much more than Kurnik, further emphasizing their structural differences all while their parent's blatant favoritism created a tension between the two while they grew up. The family also had a malnourished horse. Borscht had named it Vodka, since alcohol was what had to be consumed in place of water, and Borscht had taken a liking to the stuff. Vodka was later slaughtered and eaten by the orc family, an event that scarred Borscht for life and was one of few meals he ever missed.
Borscht eventually started going by 'Boris' as his father's onset Alzheimer's, in combination with his straight up inability to pronounce "Borscht", rendered him unable to properly address his son. He had no problem saying Kurnik's name though, likely because he was favored. Borscht would regularly beat up on his brother, and Krunik would get him back in kind, usually using a constructed item to do so. Throughout their adolescence, their schism subsided as the two settled their differences and found themselves yearning for adventure.
On the cusp of the boy's adulthood, the famine ended. Borscht had the rather smart idea that Kurnik make machines capable of running the land while the two go exploring the world. Gronglug and Yaz'Durash gave them some money for mounts and armor. Kurnik bought some scrap and made a mechanical spider to ride on. He also got Borscht a horse, who named it Vodka and promised to never eat. They got armored up and went roving across the world, going on many quests and killing many people, monsters, and bug hives. The two would eventually go separate ways, agreeing to keep in touch and to visit home as often as they could.

♥♥♥♥ this game so much. It's the worst five bucks that I ever spent and I wish that I refunded it when I had the chance. It's just like Call of Duty, not it terms of gameplay and mechanics, but in terms of just how ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ alike the pieces of ♥♥♥♥ who heavily play this game are between those two game series. It's chock full of ♥♥♥♥ talking elitists and quickscopers, who all think that they're hot ♥♥♥♥ because they can abuse the infamous sniper mechanic that causes an instant death for anyone hit waist up. People use the scummiest 'tactics' to do ♥♥♥♥, like drop-shotting or camping. And now it's gone free-to-play. I geniunely feel really bad for anyone who bought this and decided not to no-life it. You don't get ♥♥♥♥ for it, not a thing. I mean ♥♥♥♥, even tf2 gave you something. Granted it was a hat, a worthless one at that, but it was still something.

Overall this game isn't fun to play.

The theme song slaps though, especially the synthwave remix.

csgo is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥. This is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ csgo. Just come for the knife.

Caused an addiction worse than drugs (*note, I have never used drugs*) that pretty much made me lose my social life social life. I nominate it for the "Haunt my dreams" award.


Gaben wants you to buy more hats.