"Mind over flesh, boy. I was born seven months too early. Incubation technology was still in its infancy, so they placed me in a cast iron pot inside of a pizza oven until i was RIPE ENOUGH TO WALK. My BONES never hardened but my spirit did. Be strong and CRUSH your enemies."

-Abraham H. Parnassus

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CHALMERS Well, Seymour, I made it... despite your directions.
SKINNER Ah, Superintendent Chalmers! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
CHALMERS Uhh...
SKINNER [gasp] Oh egads, my roast is ruined! But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? [to himself] Oh ho ho ho ho... delightfully devilish, Seymour!
CHALMERS Uh-
[cue song]
Skinner with his crazy explanations,
The superintendent's gonna need his medication,
When he hears Skinner's lame exaggerations,
There'll be trouble in town tonight!
[end of song]
CHALMERS Seymour!
SKINNER Superintendent, I was just, uh... just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise! Care to join me?
CHALMERS Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seymour?
SKINNER Uhh... no! That isn't smoke. It's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having! Mmm... steamed clams! [beat] Ooh...
[a few moments later]
SKINNER Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
CHALMERS I thought we were having steamed clams.
SKINNER D'oh, no. I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!
CHALMERS You call hamburgers "steamed hams?"
SKINNER Yes. It's a regional dialect!
CHALMERS Uh-huh... uh, what region?
SKINNER Uhh... upstate New York?
CHALMERS Really? Well, I'm from Utica, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams."
SKINNER Oh, not in Utica, no. It's an Albany expression.
CHALMERS I see. [beat] You know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.
SKINNER Oh ho ho ho... no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.
CHALMERS For steamed hams?
SKINNER Yes.
CHALMERS Yeah, so you call them "steamed hams" despite the fact they are obviously grilled.
SKINNER Ye- hey- you know, the- one thing I should- excuse me for one second.
CHALMERS Of course.
SKINNER [YAWN] Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all, I'm pooped.
CHALMERS Yes, I should be- Good Lord, what is happening in there!?
SKINNER Aurora borealis?
CHALMERS Uh- aurora borealis!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
SKINNER Yes!
CHALMERS May I see it?
SKINNER No.
AGNES Seymour, the house is on fire!
SKINNER No, mother—it's just the northern lights!
CHALMERS Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... you steam a good ham.
AGNES Help! Help!