List of things I almost regret putting my ♥♥♥♥ inside

Moms vacuum hose (not only did it leave a hicky on my ♥♥♥♥ but l used icy hot for lube so l was in intense burning pain)

Cantaloupe from mamaw's garden (used broom handle to make hole, went to town on it in garden shed. ♥♥♥♥ was very sticky afterwards)

Large stuffed teddy bear dead aunt got me (felt good, but got those little white styrofoam balls all over the carpet and took forever to clean up)

Dad's new pocket ♥♥♥♥♥ (I accidentally ripped the unopened cardboard box putting it back in his drawer when I was finished, he hid his cigarettes and .38 in top drawer well after that and the conversation never came about to this day)

Very big fat girl from Tinder (it smelled like tuna, sounded like wet macaroni. Embarrassing foreplay, I fingered her FUPA instead of vagina.

restart required
-rep

dads are like boomerangs















i hope

boomer

anolfo

got any drugs?