To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to formally lodge a complaint regarding an individual who goes by the name of "Goonmaster." Frankly, the very existence of this person is a stain on society, and I am appalled that they have been allowed to continue their shameful behavior unchecked.

It has come to my attention that this so-called "Goonmaster" engages in relentless "gooning"—a term I find utterly ridiculous and frankly disturbing. What exactly is he the master of? Fraud? Deception? The complete degradation of common decency? It is beyond comprehension why anyone would tolerate such behavior.

I have seen enough to conclude that "Goonmaster" is nothing more than a hoax—a pathetic attempt at relevance through deceitful antics. He contributes nothing of value to society, yet he parades around as if he is someone of importance. It is an insult to hard-working, law-abiding citizens like myself who expect a standard of integrity and decorum.

I demand immediate action be taken to expose this fraud for what he truly is. I will not sit idly by while individuals like "Goonmaster" continue to make a mockery of everything we stand for. I expect a prompt and satisfactory response to this matter, or I will escalate my concerns to higher authorities.
Sincerely, Karen Strange
A Concerned and Rightfully Outraged Citizen

The Dark Mage
Supreme Arbiter of the Magicians Guild

To Whom It May Concern,

It is with an utter lack of enthusiasm that I, The Dark Mage, Supreme Arbiter of the Magicians' Guild, pen this letter regarding the individual known as "Goonmaster" and their supposed affinity for the magical arts. Let it be known that this correspondence serves not as a recommendation, but rather as a warning.

Goonmaster, if such a title can even be taken seriously, has demonstrated a profound and almost admirable ineptitude in the realm of sorcery. Their spellwork is as predictable as a drunken ogre’s gait and twice as destructive—though not in any way that could be considered intentional. Their last attempt at conjuring a simple shadow wisp resulted in an explosion that set fire to an entire wing of the guild’s library, much to the dismay of our archivists (may they rest in peace).

Furthermore, their grasp of magical theory is tenuous at best and outright dangerous at worst. During a recent examination on elemental manipulation, Goonmaster attempted to summon a flame sprite but instead produced a sentient puddle of lukewarm water, which then proceeded to berate them for their incompetence before dissipating in sheer disappointment.

Discipline and focus, two qualities essential to any practitioner of the arcane, elude Goonmaster as if they were under a permanent repelling hex. Their spells misfire with such frequency that we have taken to placing warding sigils on anything of value within a fifty-foot radius whenever they so much as open a tome. The only incantation they have successfully mastered is the one that unlocks the guild’s pantry, much to the chagrin of our provisioners.

In conclusion, should you be considering Goonmaster for any position requiring even the most rudimentary magical competence, I strongly urge you to reconsider. If chaos and calamity are what you seek, then by all means, extend an invitation. Otherwise, for the sake of sanity and structural integrity, I implore you to look elsewhere.

May the shadows guide you (and keep Goonmaster far from your halls),
The Dark Mage
Supreme Arbiter of the Magicians Guild

LaLa
President of Gooniversity

1/24/2025

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to offer my unwavering recommendation for "goonmaster", a true virtuoso in the sacred and often misunderstood art of gooning. Their unparalleled dedication to the craft has left an indelible mark on both our community and my psyche.

From the moment I first witnessed goonmaster in action, it was clear they possessed an almost otherworldly aptitude for immersive indulgence. Their stamina? Unmatched. Their focus? Laser-sharp. Their playlists? Impeccable. It’s as though they were born for this—like the universe took one look at their soul and said, “Yes, this one shall goon.”