I just can't stop wanting to call my friends gay. Every time I'm just sitting calmly, I think of the word gay. Gay has occupied my mind. It's like this uncontrollable urge to shout "gay!" whenever I see them. I don't know what's wrong with me. My brain is just wired to associate everything with gayness. It's not even about their actual sexual orientation; it's just become this bizarre reflex. I'll be at work, concentrating on a spreadsheet, and suddenly, boom! Gay! I'll be at a family dinner, trying to enjoy some mashed potatoes, and there it is again: gay! Maybe I need help. Maybe I need to join a support group for people who can't stop calling their friends gay. Is there even such a thing? I can't be the only one plagued by this incessant need to utter the word gay at every possible moment. Maybe one day I'll find peace. But until then, gay.