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13 of 28 (46%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2018 @ 9:26pm

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2018 @ 9:26pm

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2018 @ 9:26pm

Meet Your Maker

Penetrate God.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2020 @ 5:46pm

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2018 @ 9:38pm

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2020 @ 5:58pm

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 10 Jun, 2020 @ 5:59pm

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2018 @ 10:28pm

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 25 Dec, 2018 @ 10:58pm

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.
Unlocked 26 Dec, 2018 @ 8:32pm

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.
Unlocked 28 Dec, 2018 @ 9:24pm

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.
Unlocked 26 Dec, 2018 @ 8:27pm

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.
Unlocked 26 Dec, 2018 @ 8:37pm



Early Bird

Swallow every worm.

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+2

2 hidden achievements remaining

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