"The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma." - Patrick Star
"Chimpanzees are mostly harmless, but if one tries to attack you, use your fingers to jab at its eyes." - wikiHow
"What's the secret behind keeping a sharp knife? Sharpen it." - Gordon Ramsay
"If at first you don't succeed, give up." - Homer Simpson
"Why doesn't my chair also have RGB lighting?" - Linus Sebastian
"She's effectively saying 'you've given me the baby now get in the back.'" - James May
"Is there cream on Mars?" - Jamie Bolton
"Everyday hundreds of girls come to me and they're all like 'ugh but Philip, this looks disgusting, why would you eat this?' and my answer is, 'the more disgusting the food looks, the less disgusting you do!'" - Philip Dyer
"It's a peculiar set of happy accidents." - Sir Kenneth Grange
"If an earthworm was on Mars, would it still be an earthworm?" - Karl Cox
"I did have a bit of a tantrum in my hotel bathroom last night, but I managed to repair the toilet, so that's okay." - Matthew Bellamy
"Money's on the menu in my favourite restaurant." - Jay Kay
"I don't answer hypothetical questions." - Theresa May
"They call it culture, they wouldn't know what a culture was if it jumped up and bit them, you know, took 'em on holiday; peasants, slags, scumbags." - Murdoc Niccals
"Destroy the child, corrupt them all!" - Alex Jones
"Fight me, one on one." - Ed Miliband
"Tough luck mate." - BTEC sample character
"Having Jesus as the poster boy of the Church is like having Jeremy Corbyn as the poster boy for the Tories." - Jonathan Pie (Tom Walker)
"That's because I'm phenomenally talented." - Miriam Margolyes
"I'm staring into the void so hopefully the void stares back" - "James"
"Lefty tossers!" - Boris Johnson
"That is a dank film rate." - Daniel Gruchy
"Then there's the engine which was designed to run on Russian petrol, which had an octane rating of 76, that's not really petrol that's... that's spicy water." - Jeremy Clarkson
"I'm not a one-trick pony, I'm not a ten-trick pony, I have a whole field of ponies." - Stuart "The Brand" Baggs
"I will vape your spinal fluid." - "Connor"
"I'm drunk on the gift of music." - "Bob"
"You don't understand me! I'm just at a higher consciousness level than all of the dirty, filthy plebeians hanging out down here, just writhing in the mud." - Anthony Fantano
"Next time you meet a climate change denier, tell them to take a trip to Venus. I will pay the fare." - Stephen Hawking
"'There's no I in team', famous saying, but there's five in 'individual brilliance.'" - Daniel Lassman
"If the flowers aren't for me, don't bother growing them." - Jacob Richards
"Clarkson, you weapons grade paedophile, this isn't a laughing matter!" - AI Generated Richard Hammond