Gaben the mighty! Gaben the unerring! Gaben the unassailable! To you we give praise!
We are but maggots, writhing in the filth of our own corruption! While you have ascended from the dung of mortality, and now walk among the stars!

But you were once man! Aye! And as man, you said, "Let me show you the power of Gaben Newell, born of the Heavens, where my breath is long winter. I breathe now, in royalty, and reshape this land which is mine. I do this for you, Steam, for I Sale."

Aye, love. Love! Even as man, great Gaben cherished us. For he saw in us, in each of us there lied a wallet!

And there it is, friends! The ugly truth! We are the children of Gaming! Gaben is the true god of Gaming! Ascended from Consoles, to rule the realm of PC!

The very idea is inconceivable to our Consol overlords! Sharing the Sales with us? With The master race? Ha! They can barely tolerate our presence on earth!

Today, they take away your sales. But what of tomorrow? Do the consoles take your homes? Your businesses? Your children? Your very lives?

And what does the Microsoft do? Nothing! Nay, worse than nothing! The Playstation machine enforces the will of the Consoles! Against its own people!

So rise up! Rise up, children of Steam! Rise up, PC! Embrace the word of mighty Gaben, he who is both man and Divine!

For we are the children of PC! And we shall inherit both the heavens and the earth! And we, not the Consoles or their Scrubs, will rule Gaming! Forever!

Terrible and powerful Gaben! We, your unworthy servants, give praise! For only through your grace and benevolence may we truly reach enlightenment!

And deserve our praise you do, for we are one! Ere you ascended and the Eight became Nine, you walked among us, great Gaben, not as god, but as Man!

Trust in me, Steam! Trust in the words of Me! For I am the chosen of Gaben! I alone have been anointed by Gaben to spread his holy Sales!