This is the story of how I met Cerys,

From ages 17-25 I spent most of my time trying to meet girls. All my friends and peers had girlfriends, dates, one night stands. I didn’t.

Anyhow, 27 years old, still no luck. One day I order a package from Amazon. I think it was some Chinese clone of a popular mini ice cream machine. I bought it three times and every time it would fail to ship but they wouldn’t refund me. The problem was tracked down to an USPS error were my address was listed as nonresidential so Amazon refused to ship. I re ordered and called ahead to schedule a delivery appointment.

The day comes and since im a NEET I spend it by the door. I was expecting a middle aged black fat dude to throw the package off a truck but instead an absolutely gorgeous girl shows up in one of those ♥♥♥♥♥♥ electric smart cars. She starts trying to get the big box out of the car but struggles, being kinda petite. I’m not particularly bad looking -just autistic- and pretty fit so I walk over and grab the box myself. She is all giggly and I said what the hell and pretended to be chad when I’m actually a handholdless virgin. I thank her for bringing it over and explain to her the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ crusade that has been getting it delivered.

Anyhow she tries to leave but the car has no range left and asks me if I’d mind terribly if she plugged in for 15 minutes so she can get back to base. She does, I offer her some Dr. Pepper which she accepts and we chat in the porch. I’m not doing that bad and I manage to not spill my spaghetti. I tell her about the ice cream machine and jokingly say she should come over and try it some other time. The car is done charging by now so she gets in and asks me to sign the ticket thingy. She hands me the copy and there she had written her phone number and a smiley face. She left and I’d say I call.

Anyhow I go back inside with this high that only chatting with a girl after never been able to look one in the eyes gives you. I get to setting up the machine and go to the box.

It smells rank so I already imagine it to be busted or something, destroying my chances to ask the mail girl back for ice cream.

I open the box and a small gamer girl covered in ♥♥♥♥ and piss jumps out of the box, looking sick, dehydrated and leaving behind nothing but dead bats I assume she was planning on eating while hidden in the box. I punched her right in the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ mouth and drag her to my basement.

Anyhow she speaks no English and I think her village didn’t have doors cause she hasn’t been able to get out yet. That’s how I ended up with this qt patootie gamer gf, Cerys.

joshua

new computer new computer new computer new computer...REALLY hoping I get it tomorrow. Then there shall be SMITE and TRINE and SUCH.