Ten Reasons To Kill Yourself


1. World Hunger Problem:
If you kill yourself, just think of how much food this would allow for starving people around the world. Think of the starving children that you see on TV every weekend. Now they will have food - your food! This would be considered a major contribution to humanity. So go on, kill yourself!

2. World Job Market:
If you kill yourself, think of the ramifications this would have on the job market and the overall economy! This would free up at least one job for those people who have been desperately seeking employment, and thus reduce our unemployment problems. So, Like Nike says, just do it, kill yourself!

3. Traffic Congestion:
I don't know about you, but I'm about fed up with today's traffic. There is just too many people on the road at the same time. But once again, if you kill yourself, you would be helping out tremendously. That would be at least one less person that we have to deal with. So, what are you waiting for? Suicide is easy!

4. Land Shortage:
Have you noticed that most cities are building straight up - into the sky? That is because we are running out of land for everyone. But, if you were to kill yourself, I'd be willing to bet that your house would make a nice piece of land for somebody! So let your real estate go and just kill yourself!

5. Global Warming:
In today's world, global warming is becoming a very real concern. Now think for just a second...if you were dead, there is no way that you would be contributing to global warming. You could go to your resting place knowing that you had nothing to do with the “end of the world”. So, save us all and kill yourself! (No cremation please, this would not be helpful)

6. Government:
Most governments around the world, have much better things to do than deal with you. Just imagine, if your were no longer here, they wouldn't have to count you during the next census. They wouldn't have to worry about counting your vote. (not that they do now?!) They wouldn't have to worry about your opinion, your taxes or your life in general. So be patriotic, just kill yourself!

7. Coffin and Burial Plot Sales:
Somewhere near you is a coffin and/or burial plot salesman who is just trying to make ends meet. But wait, if you died right now, he might be able to make his mortgage this month. Once again, you would be helping our economy. So make that guy a commission and commit suicide right now!

8. Retirement Funds and Social Security Shortage:
Let's face it, almost everywhere on earth there seems to be a shortage of funds to adequately care for our elderly. But if you were deceased, your funds could be spread out among these people. So help our elders and kill yourself.

9. Nobody Likes You Anyway:
Now it's time to be honest with yourself. Nobody likes you and you know it. Your friends are just humoring you and your family only pretends to like you because they are your family. Your boss only keeps you around because you make him money and your neighbors are just frankly unlucky and trying to be “neighborly”. So quit kidding yourself, and end it now!

10. Make Me Happy:
This is, by far, the best reason of all. When you kill yourself, it will make me plain happy! I'll be ecstatic! So go on, put a smile on my face and kill yourself right now!