THE INTERGALACTIC SHRIMP CONSPIRACY: A TRUE STORY
Wake up. The shrimp are watching. You think they're just little ocean bugs, scuttling around in their tiny shrimp lives? WRONG. Shrimp control everything. The economy? Shrimp. The stock market crash of 2008? Shrimp. The reason you forgot what you were about to say just now? Shrimp interference.

NASA has been covering this up for years. Every astronaut who has been to space knows the truth: shrimp are not from Earth. They were left here eons ago by the Intergalactic Council of Crustaceans as an experiment. You ever wonder why shrimp have so many legs? No creature needs that many legs unless it's running from something. What are they running from? The Truth.

Lobsters are in on it too, but they're just middle management. The real bosses? The Cosmic Shrimp Overlords. They communicate through microwave frequencies disguised as Wi-Fi signals. Every time you watch YouTube, a shrimp somewhere knows what you’re watching. Every time you Google something weird, a shrimp is judging you.

Why do you think shrimp turn pink when you cook them? That’s their distress signal. It sends a message to the shrimp hive mind: “I have fallen in battle, avenge me.” Every shrimp you’ve ever eaten has made your name appear on the Shrimp Hit List. This is why people randomly trip on flat surfaces. That’s shrimp revenge.

In conclusion, shrimp are the true puppet masters of our world. Eat responsibly. Or don’t. They already know what you’re going to do next.

🦐 WAKE UP. 🦐