[Stewie and Brian are screaming while running down the street being chased by some Native Americans]

Stewie: Hurry, Brian. They're gaining on us!

[Stewie and Brian are on a bridge as Native Americans approach from both sides]

Brian: Dammit, we're surrounded

[Stewie and Brian jump off the bridge into the water and swim away while the Native Americans continue to shoot at them]

Native American 1: Crap, they got away

Native American 2: Better call the boss. [Rubs stick on rock] Damn, I'm not getting a smoke signal out here

[Third Native American bangs drum and turns rain stick upside down]

Brian: Dammit, Stewie, what the hell did you do?

Stewie: I know, I know. I messed up

Brian: "I messed up." You went back to 17th century Jamestown and you gave guns to the Indians and now they're running everything!

Stewie: I said I messed up, alright. I guess I just have this pathological need to be liked

Brian: Well it's not a good trait

Stewie: Aw, come on, don't say that. Lemme buy you lunch

Brian: Thanks to you the Indians killed all the white people and took over America. I mean, you're the one that's always saying never alter the past

Stewie: Oh come on, Brian, let's be honest, I frequently alter the past

[Cut to the Last Supper]

Jesus: Alright, so uh, I guess we'll split the bill 13 ways?

Stewie: Hey, Judas, he ordered like 5 margaritas all you had was a salad

[Stewie and Brian run into an alley]

Brian: You know it actually looks like the Native Americans have done alright for themselves. They do seem to have a lot of shops

[Cut to Jean Jacket store next to All Other Stuff store]

Stewie: And it looks like they have medical care as well

[Cut to hospital]

Native American Doctor: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I've done this several times today and your husband just isn't responding

Native American Wife: Well, have you tried this?

Native American Doctor: Ma'am, this is a place of medicine

Stewie: And their popular music is interesting

[Cut to radio station]

Native American Radio Host: And here it is, the number 1 song for the 10,000th week in a row: "Huyah, Huyah, Huyah"

[Chanting plays on radio as host leans back in his chair]

Stewie: Well, no matter, we better restore things to the way they were. Let's go back to Jamestown and undo...oh dear!

Brian: What, what is it?

Stewie: The return pad! Looks like it took some bullets during our escape. Doesn't seem to be working

Brian: Hmmm...

Stewie: What, whatwhatwhatwhat is that? What is that "hmmm"? What are you looking for? What are you looking for specifically? Yeah, that's right. But I'm afraid our only hope is perhaps the alternate version of Stewie in this universe has created his own time machine that we can use

Brian: Well, let's hope so, otherwise they're gonna kill us

Stewie: Yeah, or stick us on some kind of white people reservation

[Cut to two white people on the sidewalk as two Native Americans drive up]

Native American Driver: Don't give them any money! They're just gonna spend it all on deviled-eggs

[Cut to the Native American version of Peter and his family]

Native American Lois: Well there's my brave warrior. How was work today?

Native American Peter: Oh it was so annoying, everyone was coming around with their daughters selling girl scout corn. It made me feel so guilty, I had to buy like 20 ears

Native American Brian: Hey, shot in the dark, but uh, is anyone else in the mood to run really fast in one direction?

[Stewie and Brian climb through Native American Stewie's window]

Brian: Look there it is!

Stewie: And it looks like he has a return pad too! Alright, come on, let's get back to Jamestown and set things right

[They enter the time machine and appear in Jamestown]

Brian: Look, there you are giving them the guns

[Brian walks past with a Native American woman]

Stewie: What the hell are you doing there? You told me you were checking on the horses

Brian: Well, she's a sizable woman, that's what I meant

Stewie: Alright, come on, we've gotta get those guns back. [to Native Americans] Hey, hi, how are you today? Good to see you. Listen, we've just been informed that these guns are defective. Uh, we're from the gun company. Anyhow, you know how we like to take things back from you people? We're gonna go ahead and take these back

Brian: That's right, we're from Gun Co

Stewie: Shut up, you're blowing it

Native American 3: Where you taking guns?

Stewie: Brian, grab the return pad

Native American 4: Get 'em, pale face!

[Stewie and Brian time travel away]

Native American 3: They're gone. We can talk normal now

[Stewie and Brian walk out of the time machine back in Stewie's room]

Brian: Well, looks like everything's back to normal

Stewie: Only one way to be certain. Okay, let's do a quick search here. Native American role models. 0 results found, looks like we did it, Brian

Brian: Oh, thank god. Hey, what are you gonna do with all those guns?

Stewie: I don't know, sell them to some messed-up kid?

[Later, Brian is walking through the hallway]

Brian: What the hell is that? Stewie?

[Brian enters Stewie's room to find him breaking apart the time machine]

Brian: Oh my god! What are you doing?!

Stewie: This time machine has almost killed us a hundered times, Brian. And yesterday was just too close a call. So I've decided to get rid of it before something irreparable happens

Brian: But Stewie, your time machine, it's like your crowning achievement! I can't believe you'd just destroy it!

Stewie: Trust me, Brian, it's for the best. And hey, at least I've had some fun with it. Do you know what I did last week? I time-traveled ahead to Christmas so I wouldn't have to wait all year for the new toys to come out

[Cut to Stewie in toy store]

Cashier: Wow, good timing little fella, this just came out today

Stewie: Uh, yeah, I kinda knew that already

Cashier: Would you like to donate an extra dollar to the Quahog food bank?

Stewie: Oh, sure! And would you like to come home and clean my toilet, while we're both doing stuff for each other?

[At the junkyard, Stewie's time machine gets crushed]

Brian: Well, I guess that's it. This is like the end of an era

Stewie: Oh sack up you twink, it's just a machine!

Brian: God, look at all the perfectly good stuff that people just throw out for no reason

Stewie: I don't know, it's mostly twin mattresses. If you have a twin mattress aren't you pretty much a failure as a human being?

Brian: No, I mean it, like here look at this street hockey net, it's in great shape. You know, we should take this home and set it up. Get some fresh air, get some exercise

Stewie: Yeah, I suppose I could use a new hobby now that the time machine is gone

Brian: You sure you're not gonna miss that thing?

Stewie: I was getting bored of it anyway. You know not every historical event is all it's cracked up to be

[Cut to women's rights meeting at the 1920 election]

Woman: Women, we've spent decades fighting for our right to vote, so when you go to those booths and cast your ballot remember: Warren G Harding is way the cutest!

She screams as the rest of the women scream and start a pillow fight and [music plays in the background]

[Stewie and Brian walk out to the street with hockey stuff]

Stewie: Okay, Brian, I'm just putting this out there, but I'm a baby and only ♥♥♥♥♥ don't let babies win

Brian: God, look at this day, huh? You know usually I'd be sitting inside writing, you'd be working on one of your machines, but here we are enjoying it

Stewie: Yes, it is a nice change of pace. Oh wait, I gotta go grab my knee pads, I was using them for...for...for this other thing. Anyway I'll be right back

[Stewie walks away as a car comes racing down the street]

Stewie: Brian, look out!

[The car hits Brian]

Stewie: Ahh, Brian!

[The rest of the Griffi