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Well, as it turned out, I actually took the time to read through the rules, and I have to say the level of debauchery in this game is simply disgusting. From phallic bishops to subservient kings that express a pro-feminist agenda, it's utterly shameful. Then there is the talk of smothered mating and pawn advancement. This has BDSM undertones that makes me very uncomfortable. Also, I'm really uncomfortable that a black king can be mated by a white queen. What if my own son cucks me in a game? I can only take so much humiliation.
Anyway, I'm calling for a ban on chess. Let's track down the creator and have them arrested on charges of obscenity. Who's with me?