I keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in case of an intruder so I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people.

i come home from work yesterday relieved myself but battled not wanking for hours and whilst i was battling it like i went a bit mad was thinking about ancient monks who would practise going there whole lives without relieving themselves as a test of devotion to god was thinking about why my life went the way it did why iv always struggled with premature ejaculation and also what the devil did that f'd everything up and my mind spirals on millions of other things too use your imagination but when i gave in and relieved myself the second i was relieved this shard of light came across my ceiling from a cars headlights driving up the street which happens all this time it was god calling me a wanker

It feels so good to
Throw some ass
Turn it 'round, can you make it clap?
Give the old man a heart attack
Free your mind when you throw it back
It feels so good to
Throw some ass, free the mind
It feels so good to

Sabe que subo, que desço
Rebolando lento
Que eu não sou de cansar
Sabe que faço e aconteço
Te pego, te enrolo
Até você apaixonar
Baby, meu popô é grande
E eu sou generosa
Não dá pra ser só de um
A tropa toda quer meu bumbum
Bum, bum, bumbum balançando
Jogo violento pros cria que 'tão passando
Faço um movimento, você vem no meu comando
Joga, joga, sei que você gosta, gosta

　　 　　‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ＿＿
　　　 　　／＞　　フ
　　　 　　| 　_　 _ l
　 　　 　／` ミ＿xノ
　　 　 /　　　 　 |
　　　 /　 ヽ　　 ﾉ
　 　 │　　|　|　|
　／￣|　　 |　|　|
　| (￣ヽ＿_ヽ_)__)
　二つ

+rep lots of nice badges

i'm in massive trouble i don't give a 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸 when my court date is they can come and arrest me there have been lots of strange things happening lately two nights ago my gfs cupboard opened on its own and i was just looking at myself cuz it got a mirror on it lol also last night my gf says that the taps turned on in the bathroom and my fone lit up at the same time there has been a ghost at her house for a longtime its not about me also i think i'm closer to god now more than ever i think i need prison i'm sorry if i ever hurt anybody it was drinking but drink is because of no love if you get me i'm drunk now and alls i care about is myself i'm going prison and wanted you to know there are a few characters i'm angry with sorry i can't help it i started going church because evil thoughts got to my head