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He called me to his house to play CSGO. After i started gaming he said he is gonna take bath. 10 mins later I heard some weird nose and I turned back. To my surprise I saw him playing with his "D i C K" furiously while watching me play the game. When i realized this was a trap I tried to run. While i was running he tried to stop me by pulling down my shorts. By gods grace I had worn boxers that day. I ran for my life with my boxers. To this date I have not got my shorts back. I dont know what kind of sick things he might be doing with those shorts. Stay away from this horny f a g g o t.

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My mom said that my aunt died and that we are going to her funeral the next morning. As soon as she left the room crying I busted out laughing because it reminded me of among us a popular video game. So as we were riding in the car I was thinking about saying "dead body reported" at the funeral. When we finally arrived I screamed "dead body reported" everyone was looking at me like i'm some sort of a weirdo. Then I remembered that my grandfather's sister fell in the vents and died when she was 2 years old. So I said grandpa's sister sus she vented. My grandfather started crying and everyone was screaming at me instead of laughing. My mom took my x box and said that I am going to therapist tomorrow. Idk man my mom is acting kinda SUS

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The other day, my son came home for Christmas with his new partner. I was excited to meet her, but imagine my horror when it turned out to be another man. I immediately started to protest, but my son said "Dad, this is who I am" Without missing a beat, I turned around and said, "You forgot to say NO H0M0" But my boy simply scoffed at me and said, "Actually dad, I AM a homosexual" I stared straight at my son, penetrating his soul with my eyes, and said, "But that's gay." As soon as I said that, my son began to convulse. He dropped to floor in some sort of manic state, spit pouring from his mouth as his eyes rolled back into his head. His bf tried to help him, but I pushed that dainty little queer away with my heteronormative strength. After a full minute, my son opened his eyes and said, "Dad, you cured me of my homosexuality." Then he pointed at that queer and said, "Let's get that hom0!" After we wiped Brian's blood off our hands, we sat down with a beer and watched some football.