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Reports are surfacing from unconfirmed reports about a reported birthday cake thief... Our reporter is now live to bring you this gripping report.

"Yeah it's pretty empty out here. What was that?"

Sources say the thief is still very large. Do not approach anybody as a precaution, nobody knows what he looks like.

With Bawks' GNU's, I'm Jeff'ha Ank'chor.

SUC gine, because only the best people in the world can find it. In order to be published in this magazine, each participant must pay an amount no less than €1,500,000 to Notacon, LLC, the parent company of the magazine. Since we have taken the liberty of publishing you in the magazine, yo

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Hello there sir or madam. I am contacting you to inform you of your publication in the Matters of Life tabloid magazine, which specializes in highlighting the best people in the world. You won't find it on a search engine, because only the best people in the world can find it. In order to be published in this magazine, each participant must pay an amount no less than €1,500,000 to Notacon, LLC, the parent company of the magazine. Since we have taken the liberty of publishing you in the magazine, you won't have to waste time deciding if the magazine, and associated fee, is more important than other things in life that you would want instead, like a new car, or a new house, or an investment opportunity. We also will interview you, asking questions like, What is your mother's maiden name?, and other completely harmless questions. We require this interview to be completed by the 2nd of March, 2018, any later will incur a late fee of €300,000 per day.