Salem had mastered the ancient art of deception—mainly through Instagram filters, good lighting, and claiming she was “just 20, babe.” In reality, she was 36, had a favorite grocery store aisle, and made small groaning sounds when getting off the couch. She swore she was born in 2004, but her Spotify Wrapped screamed 1990s heartbreak, and her skincare shelf looked like a pharmaceutical exhibit. Her friends began to suspect something when she referred to TikTok trends as “those newfangled dances” and called a 25-year-old guy “a baby.” Salem insisted she was youthful, but her back cracked like a glow stick every time she sneezed.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way. He just ran out of thyme. Here today, gone tomato. His wife is still upset, cheese still not over it. We never sausage a tragedy coming. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There’s just not mushroom for Italian chefs in today’s world. Want to know what the rough parts of Italy are called? The spaghetto. Don’t call yourself Italian if you weren’t baptized in marinara sauce.

Salami Abdul Jabari Salem here can't drive or shoot. Dont trust her reviews

scammer dont trust

this person grom me

Carries me in every single game ever, please, any e-sport team, hire her already