I'll admit, I've been spoiled by the likes of Skyrim, The Witcher series and so many other great games that there aren't many that can actually hold my attention these days, especially within an industry dominated by Fortnite clones, endless remasters and lovely micro-transactions (hello Madden/NBA 2K). Paradox is no saint here, obviously, but having put well over 800 hours into Crusader Kings 2, I was hoping that some of that same magic could be replicated here, and I'm happily surprised.

I like to play these "Grand Strategy Games" a bit different than your average player, I like the underdog. And I always start out with a lowly individual, on his own, who's basically on death's doorstep. Why? Because I'm a sadomasochistic, which is why you're enjoying my lovely review right now! Regardless, this journey begins in Shetland (they named it, not me!) with some 70 year old Viking that absolutely must breed and take as many concubines as possible (sadly, that number is 3). He must raid, pillage and plunder! You know, things Vikings do.

Let me start out by stating that when I capture prisoners in my raids, I usually torture them, especially if I manage to capture someone of high value. If we're going to be a 70 year old, senile Viking, we might as well act like one (role playing, duh!). Imagine my surprise when a certain prisoner liked being tortured, refused to be ransomed and then decided that he'd rather shed his clothing and run around his cell naked. These things happen in Crusader Kings 3. He was immediately beheaded, of course, but so goes the story (I did enjoy our time together).

As our 70 year old Viking eventually met his inevitable fate, dying in battle as a true Viking should (I believe he got lost in the hills somewhere), he only managed to have a single daughter (who was educated by more practical Vikings) that continued to raid, pillage and plunder until she too met her maker. The Christians may try, but my 10K gold stack and endless mercenaries make their lives hell (paid for by their own loot, of course). Thus, the on going Dynasty grew, year after year, ruler after ruler, until I slowly built my own Kingdom. I've invaded the shores of Ireland, captured African royalty and even went so far as to spawn my own bastards within enemy dynasties by sleeping with their wives (this upsets them).

This is Crusader Kings 3. It's a game that allows you to do basically whatever you want. Do you want to restore the Roman Empire? It's possible. The game is not going to make life easy for you though. Random events will happen that stop you in your tracks. But you're going to keep going. And when you do lose, you've learned from your mistakes and will come back in a new game ready to conquer the known world. For Shetland! (or wherever else that doesn't involve a senile 70 year old)

You need to own this game. The entertainment value here is relentless, to say the least. There may be no other game on the market where your once highly respected bishop has stolen your bathroom pot and is now running around the castle naked with it. Just know that going in, you're going to be lost. This is a proper Grand Strategy game. You're going to need to play the tutorial and probably watch some YouTube videos. But it's worth every second.

With all that said, we're playing in 869 ish (you can choose your starting date around that time). We really don't need 2020 identity politics regarding sexual orientation, equality, do I pee standing up, blah blah, etc. Fortunately, these things can be enabled or disabled within the menu and you can have a normal game that doesn't involve green haired vaping hippies on scooters. I have no idea why Publishers believe that they need to pander to these people, but at least it's all optional. I mean, if you're into that sorta thing, cool? Whatever.

The game runs very smooth on my mid-tier build with an SSD on max settings. The audio is brilliant and really captures the time period and whatever you may be doing at the time. Our 70 year old Viking had a mental breakdown because his traits didn't exactly align with how I was managing him, so Batman music played (kinda?). But the game is great and I absolutely recommend it. I think I'll go be a green hai-- no, bad thoughts. No Starbucks. Bad baby. No scooters. Vikings are awesome though..