Hello, I'm QuiklTurtel and I am a gifted Peruvian, a current graduate computer science student as well as a semi-professional Dota 2 player.

You may be wondering why I am in your extremely low-skilled games. The truth is, as much as you would like to deny it, this is one of my MANY smurf accounts. I have over twenty accounts, so your reports mean NOTHING to me.

I will not convince you the valid reasoning behind my behavior; I am a gifted individual, and I do not expect you to understand such complex interactions. All I will say is that if I am griefing, you absolutely deserve it.

In terms of skill, my peak MMR is 6.0k, which I consider to be mediocre rank. However, us 6k players deem you ~1k players unworthy to even speak to us for free of charge. In fact, I am being generous for giving you the opportunity to speak to me in-game. In otherwords, think of me as a superior, but do not idolize me.

Some general advice for you when playing with me in-game? Absolutely.
1) Do not idolize me in ANY way (e.g commending me), or you shall be muted and reported.
2) Do not question my plays, as they are simply too complex for you degenerates to comprehend. Doing so, you will instantly find yourself muted and reported.
3) Do not disrespect my lane(s), or I will simply AFK and mute/report you. I will also grief any game I find you in.
4) If I tell you to do something, then follow my instructions or feel my wrath.
5) NEVER question my VAC and/or game ban; they were simply both evidence of Valve's unexperienced security engineers. Doing so will tell me you are incapable of reading, and as a result I shall mute, report, and ruin your game.

Oh, and if I find you are being racist to me or my other fellow Peruvians, then I will grief you game. That is a given.

TL;DR: You need Adderall.

Thank you for your time, QuiklTurtel