Signed by me, lets play csgo :)

So yes, despite my best efforts, I yearn. I long and I ache. I understand now why mankind has devoted so much time and ink and tears trying to describe, to clearly enunciate, such a feeling. It’s entirely encompassing, so infectious in its potency that nothing is safe in its wake. I feel it everyday, every morning with a hand outstretched on the cool side of the bed. I see it in the empty hole of a two person toothbrush holder. I smell it in the candle I bought that smells like musk and smoke. I taste it in the single serving Chinese take out every Friday night.

I just want love, the real kind, the kind all the poets fantasize about, but the brutal truth of it is…

I’ll probably die alone.

And that’s okay, because I at least know what it felt like to be wanted, once upon ago.

The brutal truth is I will probably die alone.

That’s okay, I’ve accepted the terms, well…not quite, but I’m getting there. I tell myself that it will be fine. I’ve always lived for myself, I have raised myself, I have always survived on my own anyway, but no matter how hard I try, that pesky lingering feeling still sticks around despite my efforts.

You know the one right: yearning? A bone deep ache to find solace in the presence of another person, a walking, talking safe place to land when whimsy takes the drivers seat. I’ve always thought the verb to yearn was rather evocative. It feels like a lazy Sunday morning stretch, the curve of a spine bathed in honeyed morning light. Yearn, to yearn. When my mouth and tongue forms that word I taste longing, like sweet ripe strawberries or the residue of wine left behind from a chaste kiss at the corner of the mouth.

What if we just talked again?

I mean, would it be so bad? I miss you. I know you miss me. We have a more than complicated situation. But, would it be so bad?

It has been over a year since we talked. I can feel you still. I have resisted the urge to reach out for a year. What if you are doing the same. What if it is really what we both want. What if we are both telling ourselves "if they wanted to, they would." While we just sit here wondering.

I still think we are supposed to be in eachothers lives in some capacity. That feeling just eats at me. I am tired of rationalizing it. The feeling just lingers.

I just miss you in my life. Just you.

The seasons are changing and I miss you even more

Today is the first day of fall. The weather is changing, and the cool breeze that I used to love now brings me incredible waves of sadness. Another season, and you’re still not here. Another fall, and you’re not here to experience it with me.

Would it be so terrible to be in my life again? All I want to do is love you. All I want to do is go on walks outside with you as the leaves change, to hold you when it gets cold outside, just like we used to. Would that really be so terrible? It’ll be winter soon, 2 years since you left me. But for now it’s fall, and it’s ruined because I can’t stop missing you.

Mr Floyd was a regular at Cup Foods. He was a friendly face, a pleasant customer who never caused any trouble, the store owner Mike Abumayyaleh told NBC.

But Mr Abumayyaleh was not at work on the day of the incident. In reporting the suspicious bill, his teenage employee was just following protocol.