Alliance of Valiant Arms is one of the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ games I've ever played. Imagine, if you will, a Counter-Strike clone from 2005, the graphics are ♥♥♥♥, the maps are ♥♥♥♥, the guns are ♥♥♥♥. Now play that in your head for about 30 seconds. Whatever you imagined is literally what AVA is. It is garbage, trash, and filth. Naturally I installed and played AVA trying to get that ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TF2 spy knife because I am stupid idiot moron, all you have to do is get two achievements for installing and playing the game and bingo, free knife right? Wrong. Wrong as balls, because surprise! Achievements are broken forever (I suspect intentionally), and the devs have shown no sign of ever fixing them. The game is buggy as sin, and just to start the game one has to take the following steps:

1. Install it on Steam, wow that was easy huh? I mean how bad could this be, maybe just play it for an hour or so, get mah spy knife and unistall into the sunset.

2. Install their proprietary launcher (AFTER running it on steam)

3. Install all patches from said launcher (which steam does not recognize, this will become important later).

4. Run the game from their launcher

5. Crash to desktop.

6. Look up how to run this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ game, devs say to use 'verify integrity of local cache' ok sure I'm an idiot let's keep this crap train rolling!

7. Marvel in wonder as the verification process instead seemingly redownloads the entire game.

8. Run game again, bring up their launcher again, REPATCH ALL ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ PATCHES AGAIN BECAUSE STEAM DOESN'T ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ RECOGNIZE THEM OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW ♥♥♥♥♥♥ THIS IS AAAAAAAA

9. Run steam as administrator, create shortcut for the game's exe file, run that as administrator. Make sure to disable your firewall because why not at this point right?

10. Play the game.

Okay now, you're playing the game, gee this menu interface is total ♥♥♥♥, I can't figure out what the ♥♥♥♥ any of this crap is. Huh there's a quickstart button, well we'll just try that. Congrats now you get to play through this game's garbage tutorial because you haven't played a shooter in the last 15 years, WHOA SPACEBAR IS JUMP HOW REVOLUTIONARY THANKS FOR THE TIP AVA~!
Notice how the game handles like garbage, all the guns shoot the same as every other gun of their class (and there are like a billion, all of which cost real world money). Movement is, predictably, terrible and feels like you're perpetually playing some sort of demon ice world level from a Super Nintendo game. Play the game for about an hour, wondering if this game is some sort of Circle of Purgatory for punishing greedy TF2 players. Ponder the fact that you're receiving no achievements. Crash to desktop. Unistall. Kill yourself, leaving a suicide note that reads "Black Rose" in blood.

In summation, imagine a disembodied butt, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ forever on a coding keyboard. Whatever that butt codes will be infinitely more interesting, fun, and noteworthy then AVA.