Jim and Michael are talking in his office

MICHAEL: All right Jim, your quarterlies look very good. How are things going at the library?

JIM: Oh, I told you. Couldn't close it, so—

MICHAEL: So you've come to the master for guidance? (imitating) Is this what you're saying, grasshopper?

JIM: Actually, you called me in here, but yeah.

MICHAEL: All right, well, let me show you how it's done. (gets on phone) Yes, I'd like to speak to your office manager, please. Yes, hello! This is Michael Scott, I am the Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products. Just wanted to talk to you, manager-a-manager. (cut to the office and cut back) All right, done deal! Thank you very much, sir. You're a gentleman and a scholar. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. My mistake. (hangs up) That was a woman I was talking to. So. . .she had a very low voice. Probably a smoker. So. . .so that's the way it's done.

Cut to Michael, walking to the Dunder Mifflin logo

Michael: (to the camera) I've been in Dundler Mifflin for twelve years, the last four as regional manager. If you want to come through here, (opens the door to the main office) so we have the entire floor, so this is my kingdom, as far as the eye can see, ah this is our receptionist Pam. (goes to the receptionist) Pam, Pam Pam! Pam Beesly. Pam has been with us for' for ever, right Pam?

PAM: Well, I don't know!

MICHAEL: If you think she's cute now you should have seen her a couple of years ago! (makes faces)

PAM: What?
MICHAEL: Any messages?

PAM: Yeah, just a fax (hands the fax to Michael).

MICHAEL: Pam, this is from corporate. How many times have I told you that there's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate.

PAM: You haven't told me!

MICHAEL: It's called the wastepaper basket. (throws the paper away, laughs) Look at that! Look at that face! (points to Pam)

Cut to Michael's office

MICHAEL: People say I'm the best boss. They go, "God we've never worked in a place like this before, you're hilarious, and you get the best out of us." I think that pretty much sums it up (shows a mug, "World's Best Boss") I found it at Spencer Gifts.

Cut to Dwight, grabbing his headset, humming a song, Jim looks at the camera, helpless

Cut to Jim, talking to the camera

JIM: My job is to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and type of copier paper. You know, whether we can supply to them whether they can pay for it and... I'm boring myself just talking about this.

Cut to Dwight and Jim, Michael walks to them

MICHAEL: Wazzaaaaaa?

JIM: Wazza. (to camera) He still loves that after seven years!
Michael and Dwight continue for a while

MICHAEL: (to Jim) What?

JIM: Nothing.

MICHAEL: Ok, all right. See you later.

JIM: All right, take care.

MICHAEL: Back to work.

Cut to Angela, pointing to Kevin that he has something on his face

Cut to Jan, entering

MICHAEL: (talking to Camera) Corporate really doesn't interfere with me at all. Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan, hello! I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton, right? Not to her face because, not because I'm scared of her, because I'm not, but yeah.

Cut to Jan, Michael and Pam, sitting in Michael's office

JAN: All right, was there anything you wanted to add to the agenda?

MICHAEL: Me no get an agenda.

JAN: I'm sorry, what?
MICHAEL: I didn't get any agenda.

JAN: Oh I faxed one over to you this morning.

MICHAEL: Really? Cause I didn't... (to Pam) did we get a fax this morning?

PAM: Yeah, the one...

MICHAEL: Why isn't it in my hand? Because a company runs on efficiency of communication, right? So what's the problem Pam, why didn't I get it?

PAM: You put it in the garbage can that was a special filing cabinet.

MICHAEL: Yeah, that was a joke, that was actually my brother's, it was supposed to be with bills and doesn't work great with faxes.

JAN: Do you want to look at mine? (hands agenda to Michael)

MICHAEL: Yeah. Thank you.

JAN: Ok since the last meeting, Alan and the board have decided that we can't justify Scranton branch and the Stanford branch. Michael don't panic--

MICHAEL: Oh ok. No, No no no no this is good, this is fine.

JAN: Michael listen, don't panic. We haven't made any decisions yet, I've spoken to Joshua in Stanford I've told him the same as you, and it's up to either you or him to convince me that your branch can incorporate the other.

MICHAEL: Ok no problem.

JAN: This does, however, mean that there is going to be downsizing.

MICHAEL: Me no wanna hear that Jan, because downsizing is a ♥♥♥♥♥, it is a real ♥♥♥♥♥, and I wouldn't wish that on Joshua's men, I certainly wouldn't wish it on my men, or women present company excluded sorry. Is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself but is he concerned about downsizing?

Cut to Dwight, tapping on Jim's right shoulder (while standing left from him.) Jim looks to the right and Dwight walks away laughing

Cut back

MICHAEL: Question: how long do we have to (phone rings) Oh, Todd Packer, terrific rep, do you mind if I take it?

JAN: No, go ahead.

MICHAEL: (picks up) Pac man!

PACKER: Hey, big queen!

MICHAEL: Oh, that's not appropriate.

PACKER: Hey, is old Godzillary coming in today?

MICHAEL: I don't know what you mean.

PACKER: Look, I've been meaning to ask her one question. "Does the carpet match the drapes?"

MICHAEL: (hangs up) Oh my god! That's so horrifying! Horrible Horrible person!

JAN: So do you think we can keep a lid on this for now? I don't want to worry people unnecessarily.

MICHAEL: No, absolutely. Under this regime, it will not leave this office.

Cut to the office, Ryan just arrived and Michael walks to him

PAM: This is Mister Scott.

MICHAEL: Guilty, Guilty as charged.

RYAN: Ryan Howard from the temp agency, set me down to start today

MICHAEL: Howard, like Moe Howard, Three Stooges? Right here, my vibe. (imitates Moe, high fives Ryan) Oh Pam, that's a guy thing Pam. I'm sort of a student in comedy. Watch this, here I go. (imitates Hitler) I'm Hitler, Adolf Hitler

Cut to Pam, talking to the Camera

PAM: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might It's just, I don't think it's many girls dream to be a receptionist. I like to do illustrations, mostly water color, a few oil pencil. Jim thinks they're good.

Cut to Pam's desk

PAM: (on phone) Dundler Mifflin this is Pam.

Cut to Jim's desk

JIM: (on phone) Sure, Mr. Davis, let me call you right back. Yeah, some just came up, two minutes. Thank you very much. Dwight, what are you doing?

DWIGHT: What?

JIM: What are you doing?

DWIGHT: Just clearing my desk, I can't concentrate.

JIM: It's not on your desk.

DWIGHT: It's overlapping. It's all coming over the edge. One word, two syllables: demarcation.

Cut to Jim's desk, he's put pencils between their desks as a fence. Dwight arrives

DWIGHT: You can't do that.

JIM: Why not?

DWIGHT: Safety violation, I could fall and pierce an organ.

JIM: (crosses fingers) We'll see (Dwight smashes all the pencils away with his phone) (to camera) This is why the whole downsizing thing just doesn't bother me.

Cut to Dwight, talking to the Camera

DWIGHT: Downsizing? I have no problem with that. I have been recommending downsizing since I first got here even brought it up on my interview. I say, bring it on!

Cut to Pam's desk, Michael is standing there

PAM: You just still have messages for yesterday.

MICHAEL: Relax everything is under control Yeah, yeah, yeah oh that's important, right. Oh, this is so important, I should run to answer it.

Tries to leave as Six Million Dollar Man

PAM: What?

MICHAEL: Come on! Six million dollar man! Steve Austin! Actually, that would be a good salary for me, don't you think? Six million dollars? Memo to Jan: I deserve a raise

PAM: Don't we all?

MICHAEL: I'm sorry?

PAM: There's nothing!

MICHAEL: If you are