SATCHEL's POSTAL 2 Achievement Progress

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 8:41am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:30am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:35am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.

Unlocked 14 Aug, 2017 @ 6:28am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:39am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.

Unlocked 6 Feb, 2017 @ 9:34pm

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:15am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 1:35am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.

Unlocked 9 Feb, 2017 @ 10:58pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.

Unlocked 10 Feb, 2017 @ 7:29pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.

Unlocked 8 Feb, 2017 @ 3:59am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.

Unlocked 14 Feb, 2017 @ 4:42am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.

Unlocked 12 Aug, 2017 @ 8:33pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:47am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.

Unlocked 14 Aug, 2017 @ 5:18am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.

Unlocked 21 Apr @ 6:26am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.

Unlocked 23 Apr, 2023 @ 5:45am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.

Unlocked 1 May, 2023 @ 9:27pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.

Unlocked 29 Apr, 2023 @ 8:43pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.

Unlocked 14 Aug, 2017 @ 5:29am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:01am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.

Unlocked 10 Feb, 2017 @ 8:56pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.

Unlocked 8 Feb, 2017 @ 4:29am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 6:39am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.

Unlocked 10 Feb, 2017 @ 7:19pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.

Unlocked 8 Feb, 2017 @ 3:55am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Unlocked 10 Feb, 2017 @ 8:50pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 12:32am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.

Unlocked 10 Feb, 2017 @ 8:31pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.

Unlocked 4 Mar, 2019 @ 12:34am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Unlocked 7 Nov, 2017 @ 10:50pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.

Unlocked 12 Aug, 2017 @ 8:34pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.

Unlocked 24 Feb, 2019 @ 8:44pm

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.

Unlocked 12 Aug, 2017 @ 8:34pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.

Unlocked 28 Apr, 2023 @ 4:49am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.

Unlocked 19 Feb, 2019 @ 12:30am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.

Unlocked 24 Feb, 2019 @ 9:08pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 6:18am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.

Unlocked 6 Feb, 2017 @ 9:36pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.

Unlocked 12 Aug, 2017 @ 8:41pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:23am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 12:29am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 7:16am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 7:31am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.

Unlocked 8 Feb, 2017 @ 5:56am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

Unlocked 22 Feb, 2019 @ 10:06pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.

Unlocked 25 Mar, 2017 @ 2:16am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Unlocked 21 Apr, 2023 @ 9:32pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 7:11am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.

Unlocked 24 Apr @ 7:18am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.

Unlocked 7 Feb, 2017 @ 7:17am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 12:34am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.

Unlocked 14 Feb, 2017 @ 4:43am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 8:27am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 7:29pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 8:53pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 10:17pm

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

Unlocked 25 Mar, 2017 @ 3:11am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.

Unlocked 16 Mar, 2019 @ 5:36am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.

Unlocked 1 May, 2023 @ 2:06am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.

Unlocked 23 Mar, 2017 @ 7:54pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.

Unlocked 1 May, 2023 @ 2:11am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.

Unlocked 19 Feb, 2019 @ 4:47am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!

Unlocked 6 Feb, 2017 @ 10:16pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.

0 / 10

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.

8 / 20

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.

380 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.

28 / 30