Recent reviews by Old Man

Just realized there was an "enhanced" version of the game I could've been playing the entire time
Fun game other than that tho

For a silly review: funny fish game

For a serious review: ULTRAKILL is the greatest game ever created. The game makes you feel like... I don't know any other way to put it other than "literally God". The enemies are fun, varied, and all individually interesting. The weapons are brilliant dissections of regular First-Person Shooter archetypes, and when they aren't, they're BRILLIANT new ideas that have some of the most creativity in any video game ever made. The levels are somehow infinitely replayable, which, like, I have no idea how they do that. Each stage is original, unique, and immersive. When you get your first sight of Hell, you feel it. When you see the facade breaking, you feel it. When you see a great castle with a looming sense of loneliness, you feel it. When you enter a 90's-esqe renaissance-land, you feel it. And, oh my God, the bosses. You fight bosses such as "An Archangel of God", "An objectively better version of yourself", "A thousand-foot tall Goliath of a once-loved man", "The soul of that same man, powered wholly by determination and passion", and "The biblical foretelling of the end of days", and they're challenging, interesting, fun, and you feel on top of the world as you rend them apart. Keep in mind, this game is INCREDIBLY challenging, but it feels fun and fair the entire time. Every death is YOUR fault, because YOU stopped paying attention. Every attack is telegraphed, and it's not "oh you had 3 frames to dodge", the telegraphing is usually longer than the attack itself. Also, like, the STORY? Even the STORY is over-the-top, amazing, and has SO much to offer. ULTRAKILL is a modern classic, a genuine masterpiece, and the greatest game ever created.

What a nice 25 minutes of my life

it's pretty good

funny game and commit homocide